Charles Doublet

Conscious Living for a Chaotic Crazy World

You are here: Home / Archives for Personal Development

When I Learned That Problems Are Not Always Problems, It Changed My Life

by Leave a Comment

The Three Battlefields: Endure, Avoid, Attack – How to Conquer Your Problems Like a Master

Life throws punches, that’s a fact.

Problems come in all shapes and sizes, from a leaky faucet to navigating a career change.

But have you ever noticed some problems seem to disappear on their own, while others linger like a bad smell, and some you just can’t wait to tackle?

There’s a reason for that.

Here’s the secret most people miss.

There are actually three types of problems:

  • the ones you endure

  • the ones you avoid

  • the ones you actively seek

Mastering this distinction is the difference between feeling like a ship tossed in a storm and a captain navigating the sea with confidence.

Let’s break down these battlefields, warrior, so you can become the master of your own destiny.

Battlefield 1: The Stoic Warrior – Problems You Endure

Some problems are like bad weather – inevitable and beyond your control.

A loved one gets sick, the market takes a downturn, your car breaks down.

These are the endurance tests of life.

Here, the key is acceptance and stoicism, a philosophy practiced by Roman warriors who learned to control their emotions in the face of hardship.

  • Focus on what you can control: You can’t control the rain, but you can control your reaction. When the inevitable happens, don’t waste energy fighting the storm. Instead, focus on what you can control – your attitude, your actions, and how you choose to respond.

  • Develop mental toughness: Imagine yourself as a seasoned construction worker building through a blizzard. You can’t stop the weather, but you can keep working towards your goal. Develop mental tools like meditation or journaling to build resilience and weather the storm.

  • Find the silver lining: Even in the toughest situations, there’s often a lesson to be learned. Maybe it’s the importance of saving for a rainy day (pun intended) or the strength of your family bonds. Look for the hidden opportunities to grow within the challenge.

Action Steps:

  • Practice mindfulness. Take a few deep breaths in stressful situations.

  • Write down the things you can and can’t control. Focus on the former.

  • Reflect on past challenges. What did you learn from them? How did you overcome them?

Battlefield 2: The Agile Ninja – Problems You Avoid

Some problems are like potholes on the road – easily avoidable with a little foresight.

Maybe it’s a toxic friend who constantly drains your energy or a bad habit that’s holding you back.

These problems are often self-inflicted or stem from poor choices.

Here, the key is prevention and agility.

  • Identify your triggers: Just like a martial artist learns to recognize an opponent’s moves, learn to recognize situations that cause problems. Is it skipping breakfast that leads to afternoon crashes? Are there certain people who drain your energy?

  • Develop preventative measures: Once you identify the triggers, set up roadblocks. Avoid those people, carry snacks to avoid energy dips, or unsubscribe from tempting online shopping websites.

  • Learn from past mistakes: We all make them. The key is to analyze them and develop strategies to avoid repeating them. Did your impulsiveness lead to a bad financial decision? Maybe set up automatic transfers to savings or use a budgeting app.

Action Steps:

  • Make a list of problems you consistently face.

  • Identify the triggers that lead to those problems.

  • Develop and implement strategies to avoid those triggers.

Battlefield 3: The Relentless Samurai – Problems You Seek

Finally, there are problems that aren’t problems at all, but rather challenges waiting to be conquered.

These are opportunities for growth, adventures waiting to unfold.

Maybe it’s learning a new skill, starting your own business, or asking someone out on a date.

Here, the key is initiative and relentless pursuit.

  • Embrace discomfort: Growth occurs outside your comfort zone. Don’t shy away from challenges – that’s where the true rewards lie.

  • Set ambitious goals: Like a skilled martial artist who constantly seeks to improve, set ambitious goals that push you to become the best version of yourself.

  • Take action, every day: Don’t wait for the “perfect” moment. Take small, consistent steps towards your goals every single day. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Action Steps:

  • List down 3 challenges you want to conquer (learning a new language, running a marathon, etc.).

  • Break down each challenge into smaller achievable milestones.

  • Schedule daily actions that lead you toward your goals.

Remember, warrior, mastering these battlefields is a lifelong journey.

There will be setbacks, that’s life.

The difference is that warriors and leaders do not let the setbacks set them back, they use them to spring forward to new heights.

How I Got Burned by “Burning the Boats”

by Leave a Comment

Don’t Box Yourself In:
Keeping Your Options Open for Success

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a dead end, like every choice you make leads you to a brick wall?

You’re not alone.

Tons of guys get caught in this trap – they make a decision, chase a dream, and then – bam!

Something unexpected throws a wrench in the plan.

Suddenly, they’re feeling like they’re stuck, with no way out.

Why “Burning the Boats” is Foolish

That self-improvement stuff about “burning the boats” sounds good in theory, right?

Like forcing yourself to commit fully, all or nothing.

But here’s the thing, that strategy only works in the movies – or for those ridiculously lucky few.

In the real world, things rarely go according to a perfect script.

Let’s face it, there’s a paradoxical reason successful leaders are both cautious and willing to take risks.

They understand that calculated risks can lead to incredible rewards, but they’re also smart enough not to gamble on a single coin toss with their entire future.

How I Literally Got Burned By Burning the Boats

Look, I’ve been there.

Like that time I was working the graveyard shift, replacing lights in a hospital (talk about creepy!).

We were supposed to be swapping out old fixtures for new, energy-efficient ones.

Easy, right?

Wrong.

It was like something out of a Tom Clancy movie.

Burns from the ceiling wire rubbing along my arm

A series of tiny mistakes snowballed into a life-threatening accident.

Starting with a mislabeled box, then a faulty reading on my induction tester, then boom!

I get caught in a 277-volt live wire situation.

The worst part?

I was stuck on the ladder, couldn’t step off because of a sprinkler line against my back holding me to the ladder.

And the electricity was coursing right through my chest, a worst-case scenario for messing up my heart.

Not exactly my proudest moment.

But you know what saved me?

Not blind commitment, but a little flexibility.

I realized I couldn’t stay there, so I took a calculated risk – I let my legs buckle and I tumbled down the 10′ ladder.

It wasn’t graceful, but it got me out of that situation alive.

Luckily all I had was a few surface burns on my fingers and arms, no internal injuries.

There’s a Better Way

Here’s the thing, getting caught in a corner doesn’t have to be the end of your story.

It’s a chance to learn, adapt, and find a new path.

Here’s how to keep your options open and avoid feeling trapped:

  • Know Your Goals: Feeling lost? Get clear on your big picture. What do you truly want to achieve? Having a clear vision helps you make decisions that move you in the right direction, even when things get messy.
  • Embrace the Side Hustle: Maybe your current job isn’t your dream gig, but that doesn’t mean you have to quit cold turkey. Start a side hustle to explore your interests and build new skills. You never know, it might turn into your next big thing.
  • Develop a “Plan B” (or C, or D!): Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Having a backup plan (or several) gives you peace of mind and keeps your options open.
  • ​Learn to Say No: Don’t feel pressured to commit to things that don’t align with your goals. Saying “no” creates space for the right opportunities to come along.
  • Celebrate Small Wins: Building a successful life is a marathon, not a sprint. Don’t get discouraged by setbacks. Focus on celebrating your small wins – every step forward counts.

Look, there will be times when things don’t go according to plan.

That’s life.

But by keeping your options open and learning to adapt, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the unexpected and keep moving forward towards your dreams.

Remember, you’re not stuck in a dead end – you’re standing at a crossroads.

Choose wisely, but don’t be afraid to take a detour if the road ahead looks rough.

3 Ways I Stopped Being Stupid and Created More Success and Happiness

by Leave a Comment

Stop Spinning Your Wheels:
Outsmart the Noise and Take Control

Let’s face it, you feel stuck.

Like a gear stuck in neutral, dreams in your head and frustration in your gut.

You see successful people around you, and a nagging voice whispers, “Maybe you’re just not smart enough.”

Hold on right there.

Stop letting that voice win.

The truth is, success has less to do with some magical “smart gene” and more to do with avoiding stupidity – the kind that keeps you spinning your wheels and getting nowhere.

Here’s the liberating secret.

You’re not alone.

​Carlo M Cippola, an Italian economic historian, wrote a whole book about it – “The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity.”

He talks about five kinds of people:

  • the stupid

  • the helpless

  • the intelligent

  • the bandits (the malicious ones)

  • the ineffectual (those who just don’t get it)

He argues that the number of truly stupid people is vastly underestimated, and the damage they do is staggering.
Stupid people don’t watch where they’re going

But here’s the good news.

You don’t have to be one of them.

You can become a leader, a master of your own destiny, by learning a few simple mental models.

Think of them as tools in your success toolbox.

Tool #1: The Five Whys​
Digging Deeper Than Surface Goals

Ever feel like you’re chasing shiny objects?

Goals that seem cool but don’t quite light your fire?

The Five Whys help you uncover the “why” behind your goals, ensuring they align with your deepest desires.

Let’s say you want a promotion.

Ask yourself, “Why is that important?”

More money?

Okay, why?

Security?

Why?

To travel the world!

Aha!

Now we’re getting somewhere.

By peeling back the layers, you discover the true purpose behind your desire for a promotion – travel.

This clarity allows you to focus your efforts and avoid wasting time on things that ultimately don’t matter.

Now it’s called the The Five-Fold Why but you may require more (or less).

The key is digging deep enough so that it resonates to your core.

When I’ve used this exercise, it will often connect so deeply with my most important values that it will literally bring tears to my eyes.

The exercise is that powerful!

Tool #2: The Five Hows​
Turning Dreams into Action Steps

So, you know what you truly want (travel the world!), but how do you get there?

The Five Hows break that seemingly impossible dream into bite-sized, actionable steps.

For any goal ask, “And how will I accomplish that?”

Repeatedly asking and breaking it down into ever-smaller and easier steps.

How do you travel the world?

Save money.

How do you save money?

Track your spending and cut back on unnecessary expenses.

See?

Each “how” becomes a manageable task you can tackle today.

Suddenly, that dream trip doesn’t feel so far-fetched anymore.

Like The Five-Fold Why, it may take more than 5 asks to break it down small enough into the daily actions you can do each day.

Tool #3: Second and Third-Order Thinking​
Avoiding the Stupid Pitfalls

Remember those stories I shared of the construction site I used to work at?

Yeah, the one where I was surrounded with coworkers who would have those “accidents”?

A lot of them could have been avoided with a little second and third-order thinking.

​Second-order thinking considers the immediate consequences of your actions.

Third-order thinking goes a step further, asking “What then?”

Maybe you were about to move a ladder without checking if someone was underneath.

Second-order thinking: Someone could get hurt.

Third-order thinking: You could get fired, sued, or even worse.

Suddenly, that shortcut doesn’t seem so tempting anymore.

Applying These Tools to Your Life:

  • Use the Five Whys on your current career path. Are you on the right track to achieve your travel dreams?

  • Use the Five Hows to craft a concrete savings plan. How much do you need to save per month? How can you create a budget to make that happen?

  • Practice second and third-order thinking before making any major decisions. Consider both the immediate and long-term consequences of your actions.

Martial Arts:
The Ultimate Training Ground

Think martial arts are just about kicking and punching?

Think again.

​The dojo, the training space, is a controlled environment where you learn valuable lessons about cause and effect.

You mess up, you might get a bruise, but it’s a safe space to learn from your mistakes.

The best thing about martial arts is that you are with other people who are working on being better, not just getting by.

And certainly, not stupid.

The Takeaway:

Stop letting others, or your own inner critic, tell you you’re not smart enough.

Learn these mental models, hone them like a martial artist hones their skills, and watch your life transform.

You are capable of achieving great things.

Now, go out there and prove them all wrong.

Remember, success isn’t about being a genius, it’s about being smart enough to avoid stupidity and take control of your destiny.

Tired of Feeling Like a Loser? Here’s Why It’s Actually Awesome

by Leave a Comment

The Unexpected Ally:
Why Having Unconquerable Friends Makes You Stronger

Have you ever heard the saying, “Iron sharpens iron”?

It’s an old proverb, but it holds a surprising truth, especially when it comes to living a courageous life.

We all know the value of good friends – the ones who have your back, celebrate your wins and pick you up when you fall.

But there’s another kind of friend, a rarer breed, who challenges you in a way that can feel frustrating at times, even infuriating.

These are the friends you can’t quite seem to beat, no matter how hard you try.

The ones who push you further, climb higher mountains, and land that promotion you were both eyeing.

My Immovable Object and Unstoppable Force Buddies in Hapkido

I often write about my times of triumph and success training under GM Bong Soo Han; getting a couple of black belts, teaching the kids’ classes, and having fun training.

But, those wins had a cost.

For almost 15 years, two guys on the mat kicked my ass all the time.

I love those guys off the mat, but on the mat, they were rough.

So much so, after one particularly depressing tromping on a Saturday, I had a long journal session on Sunday.

“What the hell am I doing!?”

Week after week, getting my ass handed to me!

It was discouraging, no matter what I tried they would have a response that would nullify me.

But after my journalling session, I remembered something…

I wasn’t there to “win,” I was there to grow.

And there was one more thing.

I knew one of the guys I sparred with would get into fights on the street, he had a wild streak in him and he was young so he liked testing himself on the street.

He could, and did, easily go up against three guys at bars and drop them, he was big, strong, and very talented as a martial artist.

Was it any surprise that my 5’3″ 120# frame would have problems?

But here’s what I discovered.

Going up against him week after week, I wasn’t afraid of anybody on the street.

Sure, I might get my ass kicked by someone on the street but I was used to that, lol.

If I could face the two guys in my school knowing the pain I was in for, I wasn’t going to worry about some random guy, since most are bullies but not badasses.

Those two guys weren’t my worst enemies, they were my best friends!

Here’s the thing:

Having these “unconquerable” friends isn’t about some toxic one-upmanship.

It’s actually a secret weapon in your own journey to living courageously.

Here’s why:

  • They expose your comfort zone. We all have that cozy space where things are familiar and safe. It’s comfortable, sure, but it’s also where growth stagnates. Your unconquerable friend, by constantly reaching for more, forces you to confront that comfort zone. They make you question if “good enough” is truly good enough. They ignite that spark within you to push past your perceived limitations.
  • They redefine what’s possible. We often underestimate our own potential. But seeing your friend consistently shatter personal bests, land that dream job, or conquer a fear you share, subtly shifts your perception. It becomes a living testament to what’s achievable. It whispers, “If they can do it, maybe I can too.” This reframing of possibilities fuels your own courage to chase seemingly impossible goals.
  • They create a healthy competition. Competition gets a bad rap sometimes, but when it’s rooted in mutual respect and camaraderie, it becomes a powerful motivator. Your friend’s successes aren’t a source of envy; they’re a challenge, a call to action. You see their achievements and think, “Alright, my turn to step up my game.” This friendly competition pushes you to constantly improve, to learn new skills, and to strive for excellence in everything you do.
  • They celebrate your (unique) victories. Here’s the beauty of true friendship – even if you can’t quite reach their level yet, your wins are still celebrated. Your unconquerable friend genuinely wants to see you succeed, even if it means surpassing them in a different way. They recognize that your strengths and passions may lie elsewhere, and they celebrate your victories on your own terms.
  • They build resilience. Let’s face it, constantly falling short can be disheartening. But here’s the thing: the sting of “losing” to your friend also builds resilience. You learn to bounce back from setbacks, dust yourself off, and come back stronger. You develop a mental fortitude that allows you to face challenges head-on, knowing you have the grit to persevere.

Having these friends in your life isn’t about being constantly defeated; it’s about being constantly challenged.

They’re the iron that sharpens your own, pushing you to become the best version of yourself.

They remind you that courage isn’t about winning every battle; it’s about having the heart to keep fighting, to keep striving for more, even when the odds seem stacked against you.

So, the next time you feel frustrated by your seemingly “unconquerable” friend, remember – they’re not your rivals; they’re your unexpected allies on your journey to a courageous life.

P.S. To be a badass leader, you have to challenge yourself against even badder-ass leaders.

“It’s hard to fly like an eagle when surrounded by turkeys.” isn’t just a bumper sticker but a fact of life.

If you’re looking to level up your life and haven’t already taken my FREE 3-week course on personal leadership, you can get it here: Learn to Lead​

​

Learn to Lead ebook

It’s the system I used to achieve the success I enjoy, and it’ll help you to do the same, faster and further.

Stuck at a fork in the road? Every decision you make is a brick – is yours building a prison or a palace?

by Leave a Comment

Every Decision is a Brick:
Building Your Future, One Choice at a Time

I remember that feeling.

Stuck at a crossroads, with a decision looming that could change everything?

Maybe you’re there right now, staring down a similar fork in the road.

It could be a career choice, a relationship question, or even something as simple as which path to take on your morning run.

I hear you.

Life is Full of Choices

In 1987, when I was twenty-one years old, I was working as a fire alarm tech.

Before that I had worked in restaurants, I liked the easy cash from tips and getting to meet people each day.

But I didn’t see myself having a career in food service. and was seeking something else.

When the construction job popped up, I jumped on it.

It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t exactly setting the world on fire (pun intended).

Then I learned about these electrical apprenticeships available: sound tech or inside wireman.

The sound tech seemed familiar with what I was doing, pulling signal cables and decent pay at $19 an hour. (about $51/hour in today’s dollars)

Inside wireman, though?

That was different.

Higher pay, $23 an hour, but also more responsibility, a tougher test to get in, and years of commitment.

Let’s face it, the safe route was staying put.

My foreman made $25 an hour, a decent bump from what I was making.

Given time and effort, it was a position I felt I could achieve.

But the wireman path?

That was a whole new building, a chance to dig in and learn a valuable skill.

Scary?

Absolutely.

But also, exciting.

Here’s the thing:

Every decision we make, big or small, is like laying a brick in the foundation of our future.

Choosing the sound tech path would have been a solid brick, sure.

But the wireman path?

That was a foundation stone, a chance to build something truly remarkable.

And that’s the power of choice, my friend.

It’s not about picking the easy route every time.

It’s about understanding that every decision, even the tough ones, shapes who we become and what we achieve.

Sure, there’s no guarantee of success.

The wireman test was competitive, over 7000 guys showed up that day in downtown Los Angeles for the exam.

And the apprenticeship was long, 4 years of night classes and on-the-job training, failing either could get you booted from the program.

But I took a shot, and that shot paid off.

Looking back, I can’t imagine where I’d be if I hadn’t taken that chance!

Being an electrician allowed me to build a happy and successful life:

I got to work on amazing projects like;

  • The Peacock Theater (formerly The Nokia Theatre)

  • Satellite manufacturing clean rooms and sound chambers

  • SCIF rooms

  • The LAX Control Tower and MSC Terminal

  • and so many more

Generator being set at LAX MSC Terminal
Generator being set at LAX MSC

You’ve Got to “Put It On the Mat”

In martial arts, we love to debate techniques, strategies, and tactics.

But there is always one way to end the debate,

“Put it on the mat!”

Get out there and try it, see what happens and how you do it.

Here’s the truth:

The path less traveled isn’t always the easiest, but it’s often the most rewarding.

It’s about pushing yourself, taking calculated risks, and trusting your gut.

It’s about looking at that fork in the road and saying, “I’m going to build something great here.”

So, what choice are you facing right now?

Is it a new job opportunity that seems daunting?

A relationship that needs a difficult conversation?

Whatever it is, remember this: the power lies in your hands.

Don’t be afraid to take the challenging path, the one that scares you a little.

Because that’s often the path that leads to the most incredible views.

P.S. Life is full of choices. You can play it safe but that rarely pans out. So you might as well make the harder choice.

If anything, you will weed out the competition because most people are willing to make that choice.

In case you haven’t taken advantage of it, I’ve laid out the roadmap I used to make the hard choices, it’s my blueprint for personal leadership.

You can get it here for FREE: Learn to Lead