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I F*cked Up – The Day I Lost Control: A Lesson in Fear and Growth on the Mat

September 6, 2024 by Chuck Leave a Comment

The Moment Fear Takes Over

I want to talk to you about a moment we’ve all experienced—the moment fear takes over, and we lose control.

We’ve all had that one experience where everything goes wrong, and we’re left asking ourselves, “What the hell just happened?”

The other day, I found myself in one of those moments on the BJJ mat, and it was a wake-up call.

But more than that, it was a reminder that growth and self-discovery often come from our darkest moments, the ones we’d rather forget.

I was drilling a specific defense against getting mounted, working with a purple belt I’ve rolled with a few times before.

We’ve got a good rapport; he’s a nice guy, not the type to push things too far.

Still, something was off that day.

Maybe it was me, maybe it was him, or maybe it was just one of those days when the universe decides to test you.

I’ve always been clear about why I train in BJJ.

It’s for fun, exercise, and maybe a little self-improvement.

I’m not trying to be the next badass fighter.

I’ve been down that road in Hapkido decades ago.

I mean who the hell am I kidding.

I’m a 58yo 120# retired electrician, I’m doing BJJ to stave off dementia and old age, not be a UFC fighter, LMAO!

a close up of a black bear with its mouth open in front of a cloudy sky . — Fenrir attacking The Hulk in Thor: Ragnarök

But there’s a part of me, a side I call my black wolf—Fenrir—that comes out when I feel threatened and not safe.

The problem is, when Fenrir wakes up, I’m not always in control, I get hijacked by the amygdala version of myself – the fight, flight, freeze instinct.

And more often than I like to admit, it’s the fight that comes out.

So, we’re drilling, and it’s the purple belt’s turn to attack.

He mounts me and traps my arms between our bodies.

I’m pinned, and then he uses his rash guard to cover my mouth and nose, waterboarding me, suffocating me with the sweat-soaked fabric.

I can’t breathe.

My hands are stuck, I can’t yell “tap,” and it doesn’t occur to me to tap with my feet.

In that moment, the fear took over, and I snapped.

My mind went blank, and all I could think about was getting out of that situation, and getting him off of me, no matter what.

Somehow, I freed my left arm and instinctively started punching him in the ribs.

I didn’t go full force, but I hit him hard enough to get his attention, to get him off me.

He backed off immediately, got off of me and walked away, and I was yelling, “I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t tap!”

Tempers flared for a moment, and then the coach stepped in, reminding me, “We don’t hit in here!”

(Funny sidebar: There’s only two martial arts I’ve practiced that don’t do strikes, aikido and BJJ. Energetically, they feel very different in their “No striking” philosophy, aikido being almost 100% defensive and BJJ, we attack differently, lol)

I knew I messed up.

I wasn’t thinking straight.

My fear had turned me into something I didn’t want to be—a snapping Chihuahua, out of control and driven by panic.

Facing the Reality of Fear

Let’s be honest: nobody likes to talk about fear.

Especially in a place like the dojo, where strength, discipline, and control are valued above all else.

But fear is a real thing.

It’s that tightness in your chest, the sweat on your brow, the racing heartbeat.

It’s the part of you that says, “I can’t handle this,” even when you’ve spent years training to be able to handle anything.

Fear is what makes you hesitate, what makes you doubt, what makes you snap when you least expect it.

And the worst part?

It’s not just the fear of getting hurt or losing; it’s the fear of losing control.

The fear of becoming someone you don’t recognize.

That day, on the mat, I was face to face with my fear.

And it won.

It made me lash out, made me break the rules, made me forget everything I’ve worked so hard to learn.

It made me feel weak, vulnerable, and ashamed.

But here’s the thing: fear is a part of training.

It’s a part of life.

You can’t escape it, and you can’t ignore it.

You have to face it, over and over again, until you understand it, until you learn to control it, until you can make peace with it.

Turning Fear into Growth

After the incident, I quickly calmed down I did what you’re supposed to do—I apologized.

I made sure the purple belt was okay, and I made it clear that I wasn’t trying to hurt him, that I just panicked.

And you know what?

He got it.

He’s been there too, and so has everyone else in that dojo.

One of the brown belts pulled me aside after class and told me,

“It’s all good. It’s part of training. We’ve all been there. I’ve done worse.”

And that’s the beauty of the dojo.

It’s a place where you’re allowed to fuck up.

You’re allowed to lose control, to make mistakes, to let your fear get the better of you.

Because that’s how you learn.

That’s how you grow.

We all fist-bumped at the end of class, and I hugged it out with the purple belt.

We’re still training together, and now we’ve got a better understanding of each other.

He knows where my limits are, and I know that I need to work on keeping my cool, even when things get intense.

But more than that, I learned something about myself that day.

I realized that as a kid who suffered terribly with asthma and who often got dragged down by the waves while surfing in Hawaii, I have a big fear of not being able to breathe.

That fear is more powerful than my fear of the pain of joint locks or even the fear of going unconscious, and I need to be aware of it so I don’t over-react and lash out at my training partners.

I learned that fear is still there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to pounce.

I learned that I need to keep working on controlling that fear, on keeping Fenrir in check.

And I learned that the dojo is a place where I can do that, where I can face my fear head-on, without judgment, without shame.

Because everyone there is on the same journey.

We’re all fighting our own battles, all facing our own fears, and all working towards the same goal: growth.

Embracing the Process

This isn’t just about BJJ or martial arts.

It’s about life.

It’s about recognizing that fear is always going to be a part of the process, whether you’re on the mat, in the office, or at home with your family.

Fear is there to test you, to push you, to make you stronger.

But you can’t let it control you.

You can’t let it dictate your actions.

You have to find a way to face it, to understand it, and to use it to your advantage.

For me, that means staying calm under pressure, even when it feels like I’m drowning.

It means remembering that I’m not alone, that I have a community around me that supports me, that’s been through the same struggles, and that’s there to help me grow.

It also means embracing the fact that I’m not perfect, that I’m going to mess up, that I’m going to have bad days, and that I’m going to lose control sometimes.

And that’s okay.

Because it’s all part of the process.

The dojo is a place where you’re allowed to be vulnerable, to be human, to face your fears and come out stronger on the other side.

It’s a place where you learn that growth doesn’t come from always getting it right; it comes from fucking up, from losing control, from facing your darkest moments and coming back the next day to do it all over again.

Join the Journey

If you’ve ever been afraid, if you’ve ever lost control, if you’ve ever felt like you’ve let yourself down—know that you’re not alone.

We’ve all been there.

And the only way to get better, to grow, to become the person you want to be, is to keep going.

To keep training, keep pushing, keep facing your fears, no matter how hard it gets.

The dojo is a microcosm of life.

It’s a place where you can test yourself, where you can fail, where you can learn, and where you can grow.

It’s where you learn that fear isn’t something to be avoided; it’s something to be embraced, understood, and ultimately, conquered.

So, if you’re ready to face your fears, if you’re ready to grow, if you’re ready to join a community of people who are all on the same journey—then step onto the mat.

Whether it’s in a dojo, in your career, or in your personal life, take that first step.

It’s not about being perfect; it’s about showing up, every day, ready to learn, ready to grow, and ready to become the person you were meant to be.

Because in the end, it’s not the fear that defines you—it’s what you do with it.

Ready to take the next step?

Ready to face your fears?

Join us.

Let’s grow together.

What Most People Don’t Understand About Prosperity

September 4, 2024 by Chuck Leave a Comment

Misunderstanding Prosperity

When people think about prosperity, they usually imagine wealth—more money, a bigger house, a nicer car.

In their minds, prosperity is synonymous with having more than others.

It’s about being the top dog, the one with the most toys, the one who stands out in a crowd.

But here’s the kicker: that’s not real prosperity.

That’s a shallow version of success that only scratches the surface of what’s possible.

True prosperity isn’t about stacking up your wins against someone else’s losses.

It’s not about being the richest guy in the room.

It’s about something deeper, something more meaningful.

Real prosperity is about not short-changing yourself, about fulfilling your potential, and about becoming everything you’re capable of being.

It’s about growing into the person you’re meant to be, without limitations.

Take a moment and think about it: what’s the point of having more than others if you’re still not everything you could be?

You can be rich and still feel poor because you’re living beneath your potential.

You’re limiting yourself based on someone else’s definition of success.

But why?

Who says you have to settle for less than what you’re capable of?

The Real Cost of Settling

Let’s get real for a second.

How often do you catch yourself playing small?

Maybe it’s out of fear;

fear of failure
fear of judgment
fear of outgrowing the people around you

Or maybe it’s because you don’t want to come off as arrogant or greedy.

But let me ask you this: Who told you that you can only grow so big?

There’s a saying that goes,

“God did not tell the tree, ‘You can only grow so big.’”

Think about that for a minute.

The tree doesn’t worry about being taller than the tree next to it.

It just grows as tall as it can.

It reaches for the sky without holding back. It doesn’t apologize for its size or its strength.

It doesn’t shrink itself down to make the other trees feel better.

It just grows.

But you?

You’re holding back.

You’re playing it safe.

You’re choosing to live small because you’re afraid of what it means to live big.

You’re worried about standing out, about leaving others behind, about being “too much.”

And that’s a problem because the world needs you to be everything you can be.

The world needs you to grow as big as you can, not just for yourself, but for everyone around you.

Here’s the harsh truth:

When you settle, you’re not just short-changing yourself—you’re short-changing the people who depend on you, too.

You’re missing out on the opportunity to make a bigger impact, to help others in a meaningful way.

The best way to help the poor isn’t to be one of them.

It’s to rise above, to create abundance in your life so you can lift others up with you.

If you’re struggling to keep your own head above water, how can you help someone else who’s drowning?

Embrace Your Full Potential

So, what’s the solution?

Stop playing small.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

Stop letting fear dictate how far you go.

Start embracing your full potential, whatever that looks like for you.

You have to shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance.

Scarcity says, “If I win, someone else loses.”

Abundance says, “There’s enough for everyone to win.”

Scarcity says, “I don’t want to outshine others.”

Abundance says, “My success inspires others to succeed too.”

A large group of people enjoying the shade of a tree

When you operate from abundance, you realize that there’s no cap on how much you can grow, achieve, and become.

Think about it: when you grow to your fullest, you don’t just elevate yourself—you elevate everyone around you.

You become a beacon, a light that guides others out of the darkness.

You show them what’s possible, and you give them permission to grow too.

That’s the kind of prosperity that matters.

It’s not about hoarding wealth; it’s about creating it, sharing it, multiplying it.

Look, this isn’t just some feel-good mantra.

This is a strategy—a way to build real, lasting prosperity.

You need to put yourself in a position where you can help others, not because you have more than them, but because you’re fully living out your potential.

When you’re operating at your highest level, you create opportunities for others to do the same.

You lift others by lifting yourself.

Let’s talk practical steps:

Identify Your Limiting Beliefs: What’s holding you back? What stories are you telling yourself that keep you from growing? Maybe it’s fear of failure, fear of success, or fear of judgment. Whatever it is, confront it. You can’t grow until you break through those mental barriers.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: You’re not in competition with anyone but yourself. The only comparison that matters is who you are today versus who you were yesterday. Focus on your growth, your progress, your journey.
Set Big Goals: Don’t be afraid to dream big. Set goals that scare you, that push you, that force you to grow. Remember, you’re not here to play small—you’re here to reach your full potential.
Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded People: The people around you matter. If you’re surrounded by people who think small, you’ll think small too. Seek out those who challenge you, who inspire you, who push you to be your best.
Give Back from a Place of Abundance: Once you start to grow, don’t forget to give back. But give from a place of abundance, not scarcity. Help others because you want to, not because you feel obligated. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Becoming a True Prosperity Creator

Imagine this: You’ve broken free from the limitations you’ve put on yourself.

You’re no longer playing small.

You’ve embraced your full potential, and you’re living a life of abundance.

You’re not just successful—you’re fulfilled. You’re not just wealthy—you’re prosperous in every sense of the word.

Now, think about the impact you can have.

You’re in a position to help others, to lift them up, to guide them toward their own prosperity.

You’re creating opportunities, not just for yourself, but for everyone around you.

That’s what true prosperity is about.

It’s not about having more than others; it’s about becoming more, so you can do more for others.

When you stop short-changing yourself, you stop short-changing the world.

You step into your full power, and you start to create real change.

You become the person you were always meant to be, and in doing so, you give others the permission to do the same.

That’s the ripple effect of true prosperity.

It starts with you, but it doesn’t end there.

You see, prosperity isn’t a zero-sum game.

It’s not about winning at someone else’s expense.

It’s about creating a world where everyone can win, where everyone can grow, where everyone can thrive.

And it starts with you deciding to grow as big as you possibly can, without limitations, without apologies.

So, the next time you catch yourself playing small, remember this: God didn’t tell the tree, “You can only grow so big.”

And He didn’t tell you that either.

You have permission to grow, to succeed, to prosper.

Don’t waste that gift.

Embrace it.

Live it.

Share it.

And when you do, you’ll find that prosperity isn’t about having more than others.

It’s about not short-changing yourself—and, in turn, not short-changing the world.

Kobe Bryant, Private Practice and the Secret to Success

August 30, 2024 by Chuck Leave a Comment

Why It’s Better to Be a Ninja Than Noisy:
The Power of Private Practice

In today’s world, everyone’s obsessed with being seen.

Social media is the modern Colosseum, where everyone’s chasing likes, followers, and that elusive “viral” moment.

a man is standing in front of a crowd with a sword — “Are you not entertained!” Russell Crowe in Gladiator

It’s all about who’s louder, who can grab the most attention, who can build the biggest audience.

It feels like the faster you can get in front of people, the better.

But here’s the harsh truth: Public validation is a trap, especially for those just starting out.

The moment you step into the spotlight without the skills to back it up, you expose yourself to criticism, doubt, and failure.

Your flaws are magnified, and instead of building confidence, you end up questioning yourself.

It’s a recipe for burnout, disappointment, and ultimately, quitting.

So why does this happen?

It’s because most people skip the most critical phase of mastery—private practice.

The Illusion of Overnight Success

What do all great athletes, actors, and artists have in common?

They didn’t just wake up one day at the top of their game.

What we see—the flawless performances, the effortless skills, the natural talent—is the result of tens of thousands of hours of unseen work.

The quiet gyms, the lonely studios, the empty stages—these are the crucibles where greatness is forged.

Take Kobe Bryant, The Black Mamba, for example.

Known for his relentless work ethic, he would practice in the gym for hours before his teammates even showed up.

It’s built in the shadows. video preview

Not for the cameras, not for the accolades, but because he knew that mastery isn’t built in the spotlight.

But today, too many people believe in the illusion of overnight success.

They see the end result and want to jump straight to the fame, skipping the grind.

They post their half-baked ideas, their unpolished work, seeking validation before they’ve truly earned it.

And when the likes don’t come, or worse, when the criticism does, they’re crushed.

Imagine this scenario: You’ve just started a new venture, whether it’s a business, a blog, or a fitness journey.

You’re excited, motivated, and ready to share your progress with the world.

So you post your first update, expecting praise and encouragement. Instead, you get silence.

Or worse, you get negative feedback.

Suddenly, that excitement turns into doubt.

Was this a mistake?

Should you even bother continuing?

This is the danger of practicing in public too soon.

Instead of building your confidence, you’re exposing your weaknesses.

Instead of honing your craft, you’re distracting yourself with the noise of others’ opinions.

And instead of growing, you’re stagnating.

Embrace the Power of Private Practice

What if, instead of rushing to put yourself out there, you took a different approach?

What if you became a ninja instead of a loudmouth?

What if you practiced in private, honing your skills until they were undeniable, before ever seeking the spotlight?

This is the path of mastery.

It’s the path that all greats follow, whether they’re athletes, entrepreneurs, or artists.

It’s about putting in the reps when no one’s watching.

It’s about finding a small, tight-knit group that can give you honest feedback, without the pressure of public judgment.

It’s about focusing on the process, not the applause.

Imagine you’re in a dimly lit dojo, practicing your craft.

There’s no audience, no critics, just you and your mentor.

Every day, you’re getting a little bit better, refining your technique, sharpening your skills.

And over time, you start to see the progress.

You’re faster, stronger, more precise.

But no one else knows this—because you’re not broadcasting it to the world.

You’re quietly building your foundation, brick by brick.

And then, one day, when you’re ready, you step into the light.

But this time, you’re not nervous.

You’re not seeking validation.

You know you’re prepared because you’ve put in the work.

You’ve done the reps.

You’ve mastered your craft.

And now, when the world sees you, they’re not just seeing potential—they’re seeing undeniable skill.

This is the difference between the ninja and the noisy.

The ninja moves with purpose, precision, and confidence.

The noisy flails around, hoping to get noticed.

The ninja practices in private, the noisy seeks public validation before they’re ready.

Why Private Practice Matters More Than You Think

Builds Real Confidence: When you practice in private, you’re not worried about what others think. You’re focused on getting better, not getting likes. This builds genuine confidence, grounded in your abilities, not in others’ opinions.

Minimizes Distractions: Public practice is filled with distractions—feedback from strangers, the temptation to compare yourself to others, the pressure to perform. Private practice eliminates these distractions, allowing you to focus on what really matters: your growth.

Allows for Deliberate Practice: In private, you can make mistakes, experiment, and push your limits without fear of judgment. This is where real improvement happens. You can analyze your performance, get feedback from trusted mentors, and make adjustments that lead to true mastery.

Creates a Solid Foundation: Public recognition is fleeting if it’s not backed by real skill. By practicing in private, you’re building a solid foundation that can support your growth long-term. When you do step into the spotlight, you’ll be ready to handle it.

Avoids Premature Exposure: When you practice in public before you’re ready, you risk exposing your weaknesses to the world. This can lead to unnecessary criticism, self-doubt, and even setbacks in your progress. By waiting until you’re truly prepared, you’re protecting yourself from this premature exposure.

The Small, Tight-Knit Group: Your Secret Weapon

One of the keys to successful private practice is finding a small, tight-knit group that can support your growth.

This group isn’t about validation—it’s about accountability, honest feedback, and mutual growth.

Whether it’s a mastermind, a training partner, or a mentor, this group should be a safe space where you can make mistakes, learn, and improve without the pressure of public scrutiny.

Look at the best athletes in the world.

They all have a core team—a coach, a few training partners, maybe a mentor—who push them to be better every day.

These are the people who see the real work, the struggles, the progress.

They’re the ones who hold you accountable, who push you when you’re slacking, and who celebrate your wins when no one else is watching.

This is your secret weapon.

It’s what allows you to practice in private without feeling isolated.

It’s what gives you the feedback you need to improve, without the noise of public opinion.

And it’s what prepares you for the moment when you do step into the spotlight.

How to Implement This in Your Life

So how do you start practicing like a ninja?

Here’s a step-by-step guide:

Identify Your Craft: What’s the skill, business, or talent you want to master? Get clear on what you’re aiming for and what level of mastery you’re seeking.

Find Your Small, Tight-Knit Group: Whether it’s a mastermind, a mentor, or a small group of peers, find people who can support your growth. This group should be focused on progress, not validation.

Commit to Private Practice: Set aside time every day to work on your craft, without the need for public acknowledgment. This is about deliberate, focused practice—no distractions, no shortcuts.

Seek Honest Feedback: Use your small group to get honest feedback on your progress. Listen to their input, make adjustments, and keep improving. Remember, this is about growth, not ego.

Wait for the Right Moment: Don’t rush into the spotlight. Wait until you’re truly ready—when your skills are undeniable, and your confidence is unshakable. When you do step into the light, you’ll do so with the knowledge that you’ve put in the work, and you’re prepared for whatever comes next.

Lets Go Animation GIF by Jeremy Mansford — Stealthy ninja in the shadows

The Payoff: Mastery and Lasting Success

When you practice like a ninja—when you put in the reps in private, when you build your skills away from the spotlight, when you focus on growth over validation—you set yourself up for lasting success.

You’re not just chasing the next big moment; you’re building a foundation for a lifetime of excellence.

This is the path that all greats follow.

It’s the path of Kobe Bryant, of Serena Williams, of Leonardo da Vinci.

It’s the path of mastery, where you move with purpose, precision, and confidence.

And when you do finally step into the light, you’re not just seen—you’re remembered.

So, next time you’re tempted to share your progress with the world before you’re ready, remember this: It’s better to be a ninja than noisy.

Practice in private, hone your craft, and build your skills.

When the time is right, you’ll step into the spotlight—not with doubt, but with the quiet confidence of someone who’s truly mastered their craft.

This approach not only shields you from premature exposure but also ensures that when you do step into the light, your skill set is rock solid, your confidence unshakable, and your success inevitable.

In a world where everyone’s shouting to be heard, be the one who moves in silence, striking only when the time is right.

One Thing Dr. J said that Turned My Life Around

August 23, 2024 by Chuck Leave a Comment

Comfort is the Enemy of Growth

There’s a dangerous trap in life that too many people fall into—comfort.

It’s easy, it’s cozy, and it lulls you into a false sense of security.

But comfort is a double-edged sword.

The very thing that makes you feel safe is the same thing that keeps you stuck.

It’s a prison of your own making, and the bars are made of your own unwillingness to push beyond your limits.

Dr. J, Julius Erving, was one of the most iconic basketball players I grew up watching as a kid.

He once said,

“I demand more from myself than anybody could ever expect.”

– Julius Erving

This quote hit me hard, and it changed the way I approached every aspect of my life.

It wasn’t just about doing what was required or meeting someone else’s expectations.

It was about surpassing them—demanding more from myself than anyone else ever could.

That mindset became my fuel, my edge, my secret weapon.

When you demand more from yourself, you break free from the comfort zone that most people get trapped in.

You start setting your own standards, raising the bar higher than anyone else would dare.

It’s about pushing yourself to do more, to be more, to expect more.

And when you do, life responds.

You become stronger, smarter, more resilient, and ultimately, more successful.

The Cost of Playing It Safe

Think about where you are right now.

Are you content?

Are you coasting through life, doing just enough to get by?

Maybe you’re doing okay—things aren’t bad, but they’re not great either.

But here’s the thing—playing it safe, staying in your comfort zone, will never lead to greatness.

You’ll never achieve anything remarkable by doing what’s easy.

I learned this lesson early on in life, growing up in Honolulu in the 70s and 80s.

Back then, I was just a simple kid with big dreams.

I wasn’t born into wealth, privilege, or opportunity.

I had to make my own way.

And I knew that if I wanted more out of life, I had to demand more from myself.

No one else was going to do it for me.

One of my favorite Atari 8-bit games was the Electronic Arts game One on One: Dr. J. vs. Larry Bird.

(and of course, the classic 4-player game, M.U.L.E.!)

Dr. J was already one of the basketball icons I watched on TV as a kid, but playing that game made me even more interested in him—not just as an athlete but as a person.

I wanted to understand how he became so smooth, so talented, so feared on the court. What drove him? What was his secret?

As I dug deeper, I learned that Dr. J wasn’t just naturally gifted.

Sure, he had talent, but what set him apart was his mindset.

He demanded more from himself than anyone else ever could.

He pushed himself harder, trained longer, and worked on his game relentlessly.

He didn’t just want to be good—he wanted to be the best.

And he was willing to put in the work to make it happen.

How else could he have so smoothly implemented the “Rock the Baby” dunk, considered by some as the greatest dunk of all time! video preview

That lesson stuck with me.

It taught me that success isn’t about doing what’s easy.

It’s about challenging yourself every single day,

even when you don’t feel like it
even when no one is watching
even when it’s hard

It’s about setting a higher standard for yourself and never settling for anything less.

But here’s the problem.

Most people aren’t willing to do that.

They’re afraid of discomfort, afraid of failure, afraid of pushing themselves too hard.

They don’t demand more from themselves because they don’t want to risk falling short.

They’d rather stay in their comfort zone, where it’s safe and predictable, even if it means missing out on greatness.

But what they don’t realize is that playing it safe comes with a cost.

It’s the cost of missed opportunities, unfulfilled potential, and a life of mediocrity.

When you don’t challenge yourself, you don’t grow.

You don’t improve.

You don’t achieve anything extraordinary.

You just exist, going through the motions, waiting for something to change.

But nothing will change until you do.

Demanding More from Yourself—A Daily Practice

If you want to achieve more in life, you have to demand more from yourself.

It’s not enough to do what’s expected or to meet someone else’s standards.

You have to set your own standards, and they have to be higher than anyone else’s.

You have to push yourself harder, challenge yourself more, and never settle for anything less than your best.

This mindset has been the key to my success, both on the mat and in life.

As a martial artist, I’ve trained under some of the best in the world, including Grandmaster Bong Soo Han.

But I didn’t just show up to class and go through the motions.

I pushed myself to improve every day.

I demanded more from myself than my instructors did.

I showed up to train 6-7 days a week, 3-4 hours a day.

I didn’t just want to earn my black belt—I wanted to master myself and hopefully, the art.

I wanted to be the best martial artist I could be.

And I’m still doing that in BJJ, though I’m only a white belt.

I show up to school 7 days a week to participate or observe the noon class.

Sometimes, my body is too beat up, so I need to rest but at least I can watch, take notes and see what the other students are doing.

But showing up every day means that I’m getting at least 4-5 days on the mat, which means I’m getting 12-25 rolls in a week.

Sometimes surprising my upper belt partners with the progress I’m making.

The same principle applied to my career as a union electrician.

I didn’t just do my job—I excelled at it.

I took on the toughest projects, learned the most complex skills, and always delivered top-quality work.

I demanded more from myself than my bosses ever did, and as a result, I was rewarded with more opportunities, more recognition, and more success.

One of my favorite and most complex projects, LAX MSC in 2019

And it didn’t matter if I worked for dumbass contractors or the best shops in town, sometimes I couldn’t control that.

But what I could control was that I was a professional, a craftsman who gave the best work possible day, in and day out.

And it’s not just about work or martial arts.

This mindset applies to every aspect of life.

Whether it’s your health, your relationships, your finances, or your personal development, you have to demand more from yourself if you want to achieve more.

Here’s how you can start challenging yourself every day:

Set High Standards: Don’t settle for average. Set high standards for yourself in everything you do. Whether it’s your work, your fitness, or your relationships, aim to be exceptional. Don’t just meet expectations—exceed them.
Push Beyond Your Limits: Growth happens outside your comfort zone. If something feels difficult or uncomfortable, that’s a sign you’re on the right track. Embrace the challenge, and push yourself beyond what you think you can do.
Take Responsibility: Don’t make excuses or blame others for your failures. Take full responsibility for your life and your results. If you’re not where you want to be, it’s up to you to change that.
Be Consistent: Success isn’t about doing something once—it’s about doing it consistently. Challenge yourself every day, not just when you feel like it. Make it a habit, and over time, you’ll see the results.
Surround Yourself with Excellence: You become like the people you spend the most time with. Surround yourself with people who challenge you, inspire you, and demand more from themselves. Their mindset will rub off on you.
Never Settle: No matter how much you achieve, never settle. Always strive for more. Keep raising the bar, keep challenging yourself, and keep growing. Success is a journey, not a destination.

The Reward of Demanding More

When you start demanding more from yourself, everything changes.

You become more disciplined, more focused, more driven.

You start achieving things you never thought possible.

You break through barriers, overcome challenges, and reach new heights of success.

You become the person you were meant to be.

For me, this mindset has been the key to happiness, success, and wealth.

It’s the reason I was able to retire early, travel the world, and live a life I love.
It’s the reason I’ve been married for over 24 years and have built strong, meaningful relationships.
It’s the reason I’ve been able to achieve so much in both my career and my personal life.

But it all started with a simple decision—to demand more from myself than anyone else ever could.

That decision set me on a path of constant growth and improvement, and it’s a path I’m still on today.

I’m not telling you this to brag—I’m telling you this because I want you to experience the same transformation.

I want you to realize that you’re capable of more than you think.

You have untapped potential, hidden strengths, and uncharted possibilities waiting for you.

But you’ll never discover them if you stay in your comfort zone.

You have to challenge yourself, push yourself, and demand more from yourself every single day.

And when you do, you’ll be amazed at what you can achieve.

You are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for!

Take the Challenge

So here’s my challenge to you.

Start demanding more from yourself today.

Don’t wait for someone else to set the bar—set it yourself.

Push yourself to do more, to be more, to expect more.

Challenge yourself to break free from your comfort zone and strive for greatness.

Remember Dr. J’s words: “I demand more from myself than anybody could ever expect.”

Make that your mantra.

Live by it.

And watch how your life changes.

You don’t have to be a basketball superstar to adopt this mindset.

You don’t have to be naturally talented, rich, or lucky.

All you need is the willingness to challenge yourself, to push beyond your limits, and to demand more from yourself than anyone else ever could.

That’s the path to success.

That’s the path to happiness.

That’s the path to a life of fulfillment and meaning.

So, are you ready to take the challenge?

Are you ready to demand more from yourself and see what you’re truly capable of?

The choice is yours.

Are you ready to reach new heights?

The #1 Reason Why Most People Are Unhappy and Lonely

August 16, 2024 by Chuck Leave a Comment

The Source of Unhappiness:
Trying to Be Liked by People You Don’t Even Like

In a world driven by social media likes, followers, and the constant need for validation, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to be liked by everyone.

The irony?

Many of us bend over backward to win the approval of people we don’t even like or respect.

This misguided effort often leads to unhappiness, draining our time, energy, and focus from what truly matters.

Instead of seeking approval from the wrong sources, redirecting our attention can lead to a more fulfilling life.

Let’s explore why this happens, the consequences, and what to do instead.

The Need for Approval:
A Deep-Rooted Issue

At the core of this struggle is the human need for approval.

From a young age, we’re conditioned to seek validation.

Whether it’s a pat on the back from a parent, a teacher’s praise, or the acceptance of peers, we learn to measure our worth based on others’ opinions.

This need for approval doesn’t magically disappear as we age; it often intensifies, morphing into an insatiable desire to be liked by everyone.

But here’s the kicker: not everyone is worth impressing.

Yet, we find ourselves chasing after approval from people who don’t align with our values, beliefs, or goals.

We dress a certain way, talk a certain way, and even suppress parts of ourselves to fit into groups or relationships that don’t serve us.

The result?

We end up feeling disconnected from our true selves, leading to frustration, resentment, and ultimately, unhappiness.

The Consequences of Trying to Be Liked

Wasted Time and Energy: Time is our most precious resource, yet we squander it on people who don’t genuinely care about us. Think about the hours spent crafting the perfect social media post, rehearsing conversations, or agonizing over what someone might think of us. All that time and energy could be better spent on activities that bring joy, growth, and fulfillment.

Eroded Self-Worth: When we constantly seek approval from others, we hand over control of our self-worth. Our confidence becomes tied to external validation rather than our own beliefs and values. This is a dangerous game because people are fickle. Their opinions can change on a whim, leaving us feeling lost and inadequate when the praise stops coming.

Shallow Relationships: Relationships built on the need to be liked are often superficial. They lack depth and authenticity because they’re based on pretense rather than genuine connection. Over time, these relationships can feel hollow, leaving us craving something more meaningful and real.

Stunted Personal Growth: When we’re obsessed with pleasing others, we often put our own dreams, goals, and growth on the back burner. We’re too busy molding ourselves to fit someone else’s expectations to pursue our true passions and potential. This leads to a life of regret and unfulfilled potential.

Why We Do It

Understanding why we fall into this trap is the first step to breaking free from it.

Here are a few reasons why we try to be liked by people we don’t even like:

Fear of Rejection: We fear being ostracized or excluded, so we conform to the expectations of others to fit in.

Social Conditioning: Society often equates being liked with success. The more people who like us, the more successful we appear, so we chase approval as a measure of our worth.

Lack of Self-Awareness: Sometimes, we’re not even aware of how much we compromise ourselves for the sake of being liked. We get caught up in the habit without realizing the toll it takes on our well-being.

Breaking Free:
What to Do Instead

Now that we’ve identified the problem, the next step is to break free from the cycle of seeking approval from people who don’t matter.

Here’s how:

Know Your Values: Start by getting clear on your core values. What do you stand for? What’s important to you? When you know your values, you can filter out the noise and focus on building relationships and connections that align with your beliefs. This clarity helps you to be unapologetically yourself, attracting the right people into your life.

Build Self-Worth from Within: True confidence comes from within, not from external validation. Start by acknowledging your strengths, talents, and achievements. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. Practice self-compassion and give yourself permission to be imperfect. The more you build your self-worth from within, the less you’ll rely on others for approval.

Set Boundaries: Boundaries are essential for protecting your time, energy, and well-being. Identify the people and situations that drain you and set clear boundaries. This might mean saying no to certain social engagements, limiting your time on social media, or distancing yourself from toxic relationships. Boundaries help you to focus on what truly matters and to prioritize your own needs.

Invest in Meaningful Relationships: Shift your focus from quantity to quality when it comes to relationships. Seek out connections that are based on mutual respect, trust, and shared values. These relationships will nourish you, providing the support and encouragement you need to grow and thrive.

Embrace Authenticity: Authenticity is magnetic. When you show up as your true self, you’ll naturally attract people who appreciate you for who you are. This might mean being vulnerable, sharing your true thoughts and feelings, or simply not trying to please everyone. The right people will value your authenticity, and you’ll feel more fulfilled in your relationships.

Pursue Your Passions: When you’re busy pursuing your passions and working towards your goals, you’ll have less time and energy to worry about what others think. Focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled, and the right people will naturally gravitate towards you. Success and fulfillment often come when we’re too busy doing what we love to worry about others’ opinions.

Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps you stay grounded and present, reducing the anxiety that comes with trying to be liked. By focusing on the present moment, you can detach from the need for external validation and connect with your inner self. Regular mindfulness practice can help you build resilience and maintain your self-worth, regardless of others’ opinions.

In Conclusion:
Take Back Your Power

The pursuit of approval from people we don’t even like is a trap that leads to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

By redirecting our focus inward and building relationships based on genuine connection and shared values, we can reclaim our time, energy, and self-worth.

It’s time to take back your power, stop wasting effort on those who don’t matter, and start living a life that’s true to who you are.

Remember, you don’t need everyone to like you.

You need the right people to appreciate you for who you are.

And those people will come into your life when you’re authentically yourself, pursuing your passions, and living according to your values.

The rest?

Let them go.

They’re not worth the energy.