Managing the Black Wolf So Your White Wolf Can Shine
The Fight You’re Afraid of Having
I once watched a man get humbled in a way that changed my understanding of power forever.
It was during an open martial arts seminar, where practitioners of different styles gathered to test techniques and share knowledge.
Among them was an aikido instructor—a respected man, soft-spoken, wise, and fluid in his movements.
He had spent years refining his ability to redirect energy, to flow like water, to dissolve force without using brute strength.
Then he stepped onto the mat against an MMA fighter.
The MMA fighter was young, aggressive, and confident.
He wasn’t interested in harmony—he was interested in winning.
The moment the match started, he closed the distance, threw a feint, and shot in for a double-leg takedown.
The aikidoist tried to flow, but there was nowhere to go.
He hit the ground hard.
The second round wasn’t any better.
The aikidoist tried to deflect strikes that never came—because his opponent didn’t commit to single strikes; he chained them together in an overwhelming assault.
The “battle” was over in less than a minute.
Afterward, I saw something strange.
The aikido instructor wasn’t just disappointed—he looked confused.
It was as if he couldn’t comprehend what had just happened.
He had spent years developing his art, believing in its philosophy, but when faced with raw aggression, it all fell apart.
He had spent his whole life feeding the white wolf. But he had never tamed the black one.
The Two Wolves—and the One We Ignore
You’ve probably heard the Native American parable of the two wolves.
Inside each of us, there are two wolves constantly battling:
- One is the white wolf—representing kindness, compassion, humility, and wisdom.
- The other is the black wolf—representing anger, fear, aggression, and power.
The version most people hear ends with a simple lesson: The one that wins is the one you feed.
That’s nice.
It makes for a great Instagram quote.
But it’s also incomplete.
Because what happens when you only feed the white wolf?
What happens when you suppress your aggression, your anger, your power?
It doesn’t go away.
It festers.
It mutates.
It grows in the dark, unnoticed, until it erupts at the worst possible moment.
That aikido instructor?
He never learned to deal with his black wolf.
So when real conflict showed up, he was powerless against it.
Jordan Peterson talks about the necessity of embracing the monster inside you—not to let it run wild, but to control it.
A harmless man is not a good man.
A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control.
That’s what most people get wrong.
They think being a good person means rejecting power.
But power ignored isn’t power controlled—it’s power that will control you.
The Origins of True Softness
There’s a lesson in history that most modern “soft” martial artists forget.
Before Morihei Ueshiba became the peaceful founder of aikido, he was a warrior.
He trained in Daito-ryu Aiki-jutsu, an aggressive and devastating art built for real combat.
He served as a bodyguard for his spiritual mentor, fighting off bandits and thieves.
He wasn’t just practicing philosophy—he was out there, in the dirt, in the blood, in the reality of conflict.
Only after mastering the hard did he move into the soft.
That’s why his aikido worked.
He wasn’t pretending aggression didn’t exist.
He had faced it, tamed it, and integrated it into his movement.
He had controlled his black wolf.
Contrast that with many modern aikido or tai chi practitioners who train in a bubble—never facing pressure, never dealing with real aggression, never stress-testing their techniques.
They feed only their white wolf, believing that if they ignore the black one, it will simply disappear.
But when real aggression shows up—whether in a fight, a confrontation, or even an argument—they freeze.
Their white wolf, untested, is weak.
That’s why before you can be a leader, you must be a warrior.
Because if you are afraid of conflict—physical, mental, or otherwise—it will always have power over you.
Why You Need the Black Wolf
A lot of men today struggle with this concept.
They’ve been told their whole lives that anger is bad.
That aggression is wrong.
That power is dangerous.
And they end up afraid—not just of others, but of themselves.
- They avoid confrontation, even when they’re being disrespected.
- They back down in arguments, even when they know they’re right.
- They let people walk all over them, thinking they’re being “kind” when really, they’re just weak.
Then, one day, they snap.
Maybe they get into a fight and overreact, not knowing how to control their strength.
Maybe they explode on a loved one, shocking themselves with the rage they didn’t know was there.
This is what happens when you ignore the black wolf.
You don’t become peaceful—you become unstable.
Because the energy you refuse to control will find its way out, one way or another.
But when you acknowledge and train the black wolf? That’s when true power emerges.
Not uncontrolled rage.
Not reckless violence.
But power with control.
- It’s the ability to stand your ground without losing your cool.
- It’s knowing that you could destroy something—but choosing not to.
- It’s being able to walk into a room and own your presence without having to prove anything.
That’s real leadership.
That’s real confidence.
How to Train Your Black Wolf
So how do you do this?
How do you embrace your own power without letting it consume you?
- Test Yourself Under Pressure – If you’ve never been in a fight, never been pushed past your limit, never had to dig deep to survive—you don’t really know yourself. Pressure reveals character. That’s why combat sports, intense training, or even real-world challenges are essential. You need to face aggression to understand it.
- Learn to Control Your Anger, Not Suppress It – Anger isn’t bad—it’s a signal. It tells you when something is wrong. But instead of reacting emotionally, use it as fuel. Channel it into discipline. Let it sharpen your focus. The most dangerous men aren’t the ones who explode—they’re the ones who can stay calm when everyone else loses their heads.
- Develop the Ability to Walk Away – True strength isn’t just about knowing when to fight—it’s knowing when not to. If every little challenge triggers you, you’re still a slave to your emotions. Power means choice. And sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is smile, turn, and walk away.
- Build Physical and Mental Strength – The body and mind are linked. Weak body, weak mind. Strong body, strong mind. If you’re physically incapable, you’ll always feel powerless. Strength training, martial arts, endurance challenges—these aren’t just fitness activities. They are rites of passage into your own power.
Putting It On the Mat
Years later, I saw a tai chi practitioner enter an open sparring session.
This one was different.
He moved smoothly, just like the first one, but when his opponent tried to overpower him, something changed.
He didn’t just try to redirect—he matched the intensity first.
When the wrestler shot in, he framed, sprawled, and neutralized the attack.
Only then did he flow into the redirection.
He wasn’t pretending the black wolf didn’t exist.
He had tamed it.
And because of that, his white wolf was brilliant.
That’s what I want for you.
You don’t have to be violent.
You don’t have to be aggressive.
But you must know how to handle it—both in others and in yourself.
So this week, I challenge you:
- Train something that pushes you out of your comfort zone.
- Confront something you’ve been avoiding.
- Stand your ground in a conversation where you’d normally fold.
And most importantly—feed the black wolf just enough to keep it under control.
Because when you do that, the white wolf will shine like never before.
Now, put it on the mat.
