Charles Doublet

Conscious Living for a Chaotic Crazy World

You are here: Home / Archives for Chuck

Chuck

What Really Divides Leaders from Losers (Clue: It’s Not Talent)

by Leave a Comment

The One Thing That Separates Leaders from Losers: It’s Not What You Think

There’s a dojo owner I know who’s everything you’d expect from a successful martial arts entrepreneur.

He’s a phenomenal fighter—the kind of technical mastery that takes decades to develop. His businesses are thriving with multiple revenue streams.

By most metrics, he’s winning at life.

But there’s one thing that holds him back from true leadership, and what makes it worse is that he knows exactly what it is but refuses to change.

It’s how he treats people—especially those who can’t do anything for him in return.

The Walk Alone Syndrome

​John C. Maxwell once said something that cuts to the heart of leadership:

“He who thinks he leads, but has no followers, is only taking a walk.”

This dojo owner embodies this perfectly.

Despite his skills, success, and authority, people don’t genuinely want to follow him.

They comply because they have to, learn from him because he’s technically excellent, and pay him because his services are valuable.

But true followership?

The kind where people choose to go above and beyond, where they’re genuinely invested in shared success? That’s missing.

And it all comes down to one simple truth that most people in positions of authority never learn: leadership has nothing to do with your title, expertise, or even results. It has everything to do with how you treat people when there’s nothing in it for you.

The Three Types of People

​​
Give and Take by Adam Grant

In his groundbreaking book Give and Take, Adam Grant identifies three fundamental approaches to human interaction that determine not just success, but the kind of success you achieve:

The Takers

These are people who see every interaction as a transaction where they need to come out ahead.

They’re always calculating: “What’s in it for me?”​

They rarely return favors, and when they do, it’s strategic—designed to extract even more value later.

Takers can be successful in the short term.

They’re often good negotiators, skilled at protecting their own interests, and efficient at extracting value from relationships. But they leave a trail of burned bridges and resentful people behind them.

The Matchers

This is where most people live.

Matchers operate on the principle of reciprocity—they keep score and want things to be “fair.”

If you do something for them, they feel obligated to return the favor. If they do something for you, they expect something back.

Matchers create stable relationships and generally get along well with others.

They follow Robert Cialdini’s principle of reciprocity almost religiously, which makes them predictable and generally trustworthy.

The Givers

Givers contribute without keeping score.

They genuinely enjoy helping others succeed, often putting other people’s interests ahead of their own. They’re motivated by the impact they can have rather than what they can extract from relationships.

Here’s where it gets interesting: in Grant’s research, givers occupied both the bottom and the top of the success ladder.

Some givers were taken advantage of and burned out from giving too much.

But the most successful people—the ones who achieved sustainable success while maintaining strong relationships—were also givers.

The Leadership Paradox

​​
Influence by Robert Cialdini

The difference between successful givers and unsuccessful ones isn’t how much they give—it’s how smart they are about their giving.

True leaders are strategic givers who understand that lifting others up creates more value for everyone.

The dojo owner I mentioned falls into the taker category, despite his success.

He treats people well when he needs something from them.

He’s charming with potential customers, respectful to higher-ranking martial artists, and accommodating to people who could help his business.

But watch how he treats:

  • The teenager who cleans the mats after class

  • The parent who’s struggling to make monthly payments

  • The lower-ranking student who asks “too many” questions

  • The elderly student who moves slowly through techniques

  • Service workers at restaurants when he’s out with successful friends

That’s where his true character reveals itself.

The Waiter Test

There’s an old saying in business circles:

“You can tell everything you need to know about someone by how they treat people who can’t do anything for them.”

Some call it the “waiter test”—how does someone treat restaurant servers, cleaning staff, or customer service representatives?

These interactions reveal character because there’s no strategic advantage to being kind. No potential business benefit. No social status to gain.

The way you treat people when there’s nothing in it for you is the truest measure of your character.

Leaders understand this intuitively.

They treat everyone with basic human dignity because they recognize that:

  1. Every person has inherent worth regardless of their position or ability to reciprocate

  2. You never know who someone might become or what connections they might have

  3. Character is revealed in unguarded moments when you think nobody important is watching

  4. Creating positive interactions makes the world better for everyone

The Compound Effect of Character

Here’s what the dojo owner doesn’t understand: his treatment of “unimportant” people is actively undermining his potential for greater success.

Students notice how he treats the cleaning staff.

Parents observe his impatience with struggling students.

Other instructors see his condescension toward lower-ranking practitioners.

These observations don’t happen in isolation—they shape how people feel about the entire organization.

True leaders understand that every interaction is a deposit or withdrawal from their leadership account.

When you consistently treat people well regardless of their status, you build:

  • Genuine loyalty from people who choose to support you

  • Positive word-of-mouth that money can’t buy

  • A culture of respect that attracts high-quality people

  • Personal integrity that creates inner confidence

  • Unexpected opportunities from connections you didn’t know existed

The Leadership Equation

Real leadership can be distilled into a simple equation:

Leadership = Character + Competence + Consistency

Most people focus on competence—developing skills, expertise, and knowledge.

Some work on consistency—showing up reliably and maintaining standards.

But character—how you treat people when there’s no audience, no reward, and no reciprocal benefit—is what transforms competence into true leadership.

The dojo owner has competence in spades.

He’s reasonably consistent in his business practices.

But his character deficit limits his leadership ceiling, regardless of how skilled he becomes or how successful his business appears.

The Ripple Effect
What ripples are you sending out?

Leadership isn’t just about the people who directly report to you or pay for your services.

True leaders understand that their behavior creates ripple effects that extend far beyond their immediate sphere of influence.

When you treat someone with respect and kindness:

  • They’re more likely to treat others the same way

  • They tell others about their positive experience

  • They become advocates for you and your organization

  • They’re motivated to contribute more than the minimum required

When you treat someone poorly:

  • They often pass that negative energy on to others

  • They share their negative experience (and negative stories spread faster than positive ones)

  • They become passive resistors or active detractors

  • They do the minimum required and look for opportunities to leave

The Long Game

Takers optimize for short-term gains.

They extract maximum value from each interaction without considering long-term consequences.

This can work for a while, especially if you’re skilled enough to deliver value despite your poor character.

But leadership is a long game.

The people you treat poorly today might be in positions to help or hurt you tomorrow.

The student you dismiss might become a successful business owner.

The parent you’re impatient with might have connections you need.

The lower-ranking practitioner you condescend to might open their own school and compete with you.

Even more importantly, every person you interact with is connected to a network of other people.

In our hyperconnected world, your reputation precedes you in ways that would have been impossible just a generation ago.

The Mirror Test

Here’s a simple exercise:

Think about the last week and identify three interactions you had with people who couldn’t do anything for you.

  • How did you treat them?

  • What was your internal attitude during these interactions?

  • If someone was watching those interactions, what would they conclude about your character?

  • Would you want to follow someone who behaved the way you did?

This isn’t about being perfect or pretending to be someone you’re not.

It’s about recognizing that leadership is ultimately about influence, and influence comes from who you are, not just what you can do.

The Choice

Every day, you make dozens of choices about how to treat the people around you.

Most of these choices seem insignificant in the moment, but they’re actually the building blocks of your reputation, character, and leadership capacity.

You can choose to be a giver, matcher, or taker.

You can choose to treat people as instruments for your success or as human beings worthy of respect.

You can choose to optimize for short-term extraction or long-term influence.

The dojo owner I mentioned has made his choice, and it’s limiting his potential impact despite his considerable abilities.

He’s successful, but he could be truly influential if he understood that leadership isn’t about what you can take from people—it’s about what you can give to them.

The Leadership Decision

Real leadership is a decision you make every day in small moments that seem unimportant:

  • How you respond when someone makes a mistake

  • The tone you use when giving feedback

  • Whether you acknowledge people who aren’t essential to your success

  • How you handle frustration when someone doesn’t meet your expectations

  • What you do when you have power over someone who can’t fight back

These moments reveal who you really are and determine whether people choose to follow you or simply comply with your authority.

The Bottom Line

The difference between leaders and losers isn’t talent, success, or even expertise. It’s character.

You can have all the skills in the world, build a successful business, and achieve impressive results while still being someone that people endure rather than choose to follow.

Or you can recognize that true leadership is about lifting others up, treating everyone with dignity, and understanding that your character in small moments determines your influence in big ones.

The choice is yours.

But remember: if the people behind you won’t follow you, you’re not leading—you’re just taking a very expensive walk by yourself.

Leaders understand that how you treat people when there’s nothing in it for you reveals everything about who you really are.

And who you really are determines whether you’ll have genuine influence or just temporary authority.

Be the person others choose to follow, not the person they have to follow.

That’s what separates leaders from losers, regardless of their title, authority, or expertise.

The Warrior’s Way to the Art of Happiness

by Leave a Comment

The Arrogance of Ignorance

Waikiki and Diamond Head Crater

I was young, ignorant, and arrogant.

And honestly? How could I not be?

Picture this: a kid growing up on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, 3,000 miles and a six-hour plane ride from anything.

Honolulu was my entire universe—a beautiful prison of palm trees and perpetual sunshine where the horizon seemed to mock any dreams of something bigger.

All I knew was what I knew from this small rock. And what I knew was limited, filtered through the lens of island mentality where many people lived trapped in a poverty mindset, blaming the past for their current situation in life, pointing fingers at foreigners—especially Caucasians, who we called “haoles”—as the source of all our problems.

Sure, there was historical evidence of imperialism and racial injustice. The wounds were real, the grievances legitimate. But just sitting there complaining about it, nursing old resentments like sacred relics, wasn’t doing anyone any good. It wasn’t moving us forward, it wasn’t creating solutions, and it certainly wasn’t making anyone happy.

Yet this was the water I swam in, the air I breathed. I thought this narrow slice of human experience was the whole pie. I thought the stories I’d inherited about who was to blame and why life was hard were universal truths rather than regional folklore.

I was wrong. Spectacularly, embarrassingly wrong.

Leaving Paradise for the Unknown

At 20, I made a decision that would fundamentally alter the trajectory of my life: I left Hawaii for California.

Now, California was larger and more diverse than my island home, but it was still “American”—still carrying its own baggage, still wrestling with its own demons.

The Golden State had its own issues as a part of the broader United States: diverse, yes, but not necessarily inclusive in its own complex ways. I’d simply traded one set of limitations for another, one echo chamber for a slightly larger echo chamber.

But it was a start. It was movement. And movement, I would learn, is the beginning of all transformation.

For the first time, I was surrounded by people who hadn’t grown up with the same stories I’d inherited. They had different complaints, different scapegoats, different explanations for life’s challenges. Their certainties contradicted my certainties, and that contradiction was the first crack in my armor of ignorance.

The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama

The Book That Changed Everything

Then I encountered a book that would shatter my small-world perspective entirely: “The Art of Happiness” by the Dalai Lama.

This wasn’t just another self-help book or philosophical treatise. This was something different—the wisdom of someone who had every reason to be bitter, angry, and resentful, yet radiated a kind of joy that seemed to transcend circumstances.

Here was a man who had lost his country, been exiled from his homeland, watched his people suffer under occupation—and yet spoke about happiness as a skill to be cultivated rather than a condition to be waited for.

As I absorbed his words, something profound began to dawn on me: At the core, all human beings are alike.

We all seek to be:

  • Respected for who we are
  • Accepted despite our flaws
  • Allowed to live with dignity
  • Free to learn and grow
  • Able to love and be loved
  • Permitted to leave some kind of legacy
  • Capable of raising families and caring for our children
  • Simply, fundamentally happy

This realization was revolutionary. It meant that the haoles I’d been taught to resent were seeking the same things I was seeking. The mainlanders I’d viewed with suspicion wanted the same basic human experiences I wanted. The “them” I’d been taught to oppose were actually just more versions of “us.”

The Machinery of Division

As this new understanding took root, I began to notice something disturbing: organizations of all types actively sought power by sowing division. They created “us vs. them” dynamics as a way of collecting, harnessing, and using power to obtain even more power.

This pattern was everywhere:

  • Businesses that thrived by making consumers feel inadequate without their products
  • Religious groups that maintained control by emphasizing their exclusivity and others’ spiritual deficiency
  • Political organizations that gained followers by amplifying fear and resentment toward opposing groups
  • Governments that justified their authority by maintaining external enemies and internal divisions

The formula was always the same: identify a group to blame, amplify the differences between “us” and “them,” then position yourself as the solution to the manufactured problem. It was brilliant in its simplicity and devastating in its effectiveness.

I realized that my small-island mentality hadn’t been unique—it had been a local version of a global pattern. Every community, every culture, every nation seemed to have its own version of the same story: “We are good, they are bad, and that’s why things are difficult.”

The Universal Human Experience

A portion of my travels so far (gold stars)
and future destinations (green flags)

As I became more fortunate and began to travel—eventually visiting almost 40 countries and meeting people from over 60 different nations—this insight only deepened. The more I traveled, the more I realized we really are more alike than we are different.

But here’s the crucial point: you don’t get to see and feel this without traveling.

In a café in Seoul, Korea, I met a businessman worried about providing for his family—just like my friends back home.

In Khan el-Khalili in Cairo, Egypt, I encountered a vendor who lit up when talking about his children’s achievements—exactly like parents everywhere.

On a train ride from Switzerland to Italy, I befriended an elderly man who spoke passionately about the changes he’d seen in his lifetime—with the same mixture of nostalgia and hope I’d heard from grandparents across the globe.

In a pub in Ireland, I shared stories with locals who dreamed of travel and adventure—the same dreams that had pulled me away from my island.

Each conversation, each connection, each moment of genuine human contact reinforced the same truth: underneath our different languages, customs, and cultural programming, we’re all dealing with the same fundamental human experiences.

The Comfort Zone Prison

A US Passport, your gateway to the world

This brings me to a startling statistic that explains so much about why division and fear dominate our public discourse: approximately 80% of US citizens, have not lived outside a 100-mile radius from where they grew up, and 50% of them do not even have a passport.

That’s over 273,000,000 people in the US never leaving home!

Think about that for a moment. Eight out of ten Americans have never experienced what I experienced—the profound shift that comes from realizing that their local version of reality is just one option among many.

They stay where it’s comfortable, where it’s safe, where it’s familiar. They marinate in the same stories, the same explanations, the same certainties their entire lives. Their truth is the only truth they’ve ever truly encountered, so of course it feels absolutely, unquestionably correct.

This isn’t their fault—comfort zones are seductive, and breaking out of them requires resources, courage, and opportunity that not everyone has access to. But it does explain why so many people remain trapped in limited perspectives, why they’re vulnerable to manipulation by power-seeking organizations, and why they find it difficult to empathize with experiences different from their own.

The Warrior’s Different Path

But a warrior does not live that way.

A warrior chooses to leave his or her comfort zone. Not because comfort is bad, but because comfort can become a prison if it’s never voluntarily abandoned.

A warrior explores the world, physically when possible, intellectually always. They seek out experiences that challenge their assumptions and expand their understanding.

A warrior tests out his beliefs, ideas, and stories rather than accepting them as inherited gospel. They’re willing to discover that what they thought was the whole truth was actually just one piece of a much larger puzzle.

A warrior finds his truth rather than regurgitating the truth from the past, from others, or from power-seeking, dogma-pushing organizations. They take responsibility for their own understanding rather than outsourcing their thinking to authorities.

This is why the warrior’s path leads to happiness: because happiness comes from freedom, and freedom comes from breaking out of the mental prisons we inherit or construct for ourselves.

Facing the Shadow, Finding the Light

A warrior is happy because he has faced his fears and come to see that his shadow, while scary, isn’t as powerful as the light that comes from being lifted from ignorance, smallness, or “safety.”

My shadow was the scared, small-minded kid from Hawaii who needed someone else to be wrong for me to feel right. Who needed an enemy to explain away life’s difficulties. Who preferred the comfort of inherited resentments to the challenge of personal growth.

That shadow was real, and it was scary to confront. It meant acknowledging that much of what I’d believed about the world was incomplete or simply wrong. It meant admitting that I’d wasted years being angry at people who were just trying to navigate life like everyone else. It meant taking responsibility for my own happiness rather than waiting for historical injustices to be resolved or external circumstances to improve.

But facing that shadow revealed something more powerful: the light of understanding.

The light that shows us we’re all in this together, despite what the power-seekers want us to believe.

The light that reveals happiness as a skill we can develop rather than a condition we have to wait for.

The light that illuminates the profound joy that comes from connection rather than division, understanding rather than judgment, curiosity rather than certainty.

The Ongoing Journey

I am no longer that small-minded, ignorant, arrogant kid from Hawaii. I’ve been traveling and learning much, expanding my perspective with each new experience, challenging my assumptions with each new encounter.

Exploring Estonia

But here’s what I’ve learned about the warrior’s path: the more I learn, the more I realize that I do not know much, and that I have so much more to learn.

This isn’t discouraging—it’s exhilarating.

Because it means the journey never ends. There are always new perspectives to explore, new people to meet, new ways of understanding the human experience. There are always opportunities to shed another layer of ignorance, to face another shadow, to discover another piece of light.

The warrior’s happiness doesn’t come from having arrived at some final destination of understanding. It comes from embracing the journey itself, from finding joy in the process of continuous growth and discovery.

The Practical Warrior’s Path

So how does one begin walking the warrior’s path to happiness? How do you start breaking out of the comfort zones and inherited stories that limit your joy?

Start with Intellectual Travel

If physical travel isn’t immediately possible, begin with intellectual exploration:

  • Read books by authors from different cultures and backgrounds
  • Watch documentaries about places and people unlike yourself
  • Listen to podcasts featuring perspectives that challenge your assumptions
  • Engage with online communities from different parts of the world
  • Learn a new language to access different ways of thinking

Practice Perspective-Taking

  • Before judging someone’s actions, ask yourself what circumstances might have led them to that choice
  • When you feel angry at a group of people, try to identify what fear or insecurity might be driving that anger
  • Challenge yourself to find something admirable in people you typically disagree with
  • Seek out stories of individuals who’ve overcome circumstances similar to those you blame for your limitations

Question Your Certainties

  • Make a list of things you’re absolutely certain about, then research alternative viewpoints
  • Ask yourself where your strongest opinions came from—personal experience or inherited beliefs?
  • Experiment with temporarily adopting opposing viewpoints to see what you might learn
  • Practice saying “I don’t know” when you realize your knowledge is incomplete

Seek Connection Over Division

  • Look for common ground with people who seem different from you
  • Focus on individual humans rather than abstract groups when forming opinions
  • Practice empathy by imagining yourself in others’ circumstances
  • Choose conversation over confrontation when encountering different viewpoints

Plan Real Adventures

Even small steps outside your comfort zone can yield warrior-like insights:

  • Visit a neighborhood in your city that you’ve never explored
  • Attend events hosted by cultural communities different from your own
  • Travel to a nearby city and engage with locals about their perspectives
  • Take a class or workshop that challenges you to think differently
  • Volunteer with organizations serving populations you don’t usually interact with

The Happiness That Comes from Understanding

The warrior’s happiness is different from the happiness that comes from comfort or validation. It’s not the happiness of being right—it’s the happiness of being free.

Free from the need to make others wrong in order to feel good about yourself.

Free from the prison of limited perspectives and inherited resentments.

Free from the manipulation of organizations that profit from your fear and division.

Free to connect with the full spectrum of human experience.

Free to find joy in understanding rather than satisfaction in judgment.

This freedom doesn’t require you to abandon your values or lose your identity. It requires you to distinguish between your authentic values and the stories you’ve inherited about who to blame and why to be afraid.

It requires you to find your own truth rather than accepting the truth that others want to sell you.

The Invitation

I invite you to join me on this journey.

Not necessarily to the same physical places I’ve been, but to the same willingness to question, explore, and grow. To the same commitment to face your shadows and seek your light. To the same courage to leave the comfort of inherited certainties for the adventure of discovered understanding.

The warrior’s path is not easy. It requires you to give up the simple comfort of us-vs-them thinking. It asks you to take responsibility for your own happiness rather than waiting for external circumstances to change. It demands that you face the uncomfortable truth that much of what you’ve believed might be incomplete or wrong.

But the warrior’s path is joyful in a way that comfort-zone living never can be. Because it leads to genuine understanding, authentic connection, and the profound happiness that comes from seeing the world—and your place in it—clearly.

The choice is yours: You can stay on your island, physical or metaphorical, nursing your inherited resentments and waiting for someone else to solve your problems. You can continue to let power-seeking organizations tell you who to blame and why to be afraid.

Or you can choose the warrior’s way. You can step into the unknown, test your assumptions, seek understanding over judgment, and discover the art of happiness for yourself.

The journey begins with a single step outside your comfort zone. The destination is a joy that no external circumstance can take away and no authority can sell back to you.

What will you choose?

The warrior’s path is calling. Your shadows are waiting to be faced. Your light is waiting to be discovered. The only question is: are you ready to begin?

From Fighter to Leader: How to Master Every Battlefield in Life

by Leave a Comment

The Importance of Being a Warrior of Multiple Battlefields

Imagine this: a master martial artist steps onto the mat, their movements sharp, precise, and almost otherworldly.

They dominate every opponent, earning respect and admiration from everyone watching.

But when they step off the mat, the story shifts.

That same warrior struggles to keep their dojo open, maintain meaningful relationships, or manage their finances.

How can someone so disciplined, skilled, and resilient in one arena crumble in others?

The answer is simple.

They’ve trained for one battlefield but ignored the others.

Life isn’t just fought in one arena.

It’s a series of interconnected battles—career, relationships, health, finances, and personal growth.

Mastering one doesn’t guarantee victory in another.

Yet, many people focus solely on their comfort zone, failing to take the lessons they’ve learned and apply them elsewhere.

This isn’t about being a master of everything—it’s about being a warrior who can adapt, thrive, and fight where it matters most.

Let’s explore what it means to be a warrior on multiple battlefields and how you can ensure that the lessons you’ve learned in one area of life translate to success in others.

The Mat is Only One Arena

Years ago, in the 80s, I trained in Aikido in Hawaii.

​​
Ki in Daily Life by Koichi Tohei

Every Saturday, we had a special class: Aikido in Daily Life.

It was based on the book, Ki in Daily Life by Koichi Tohei, the founder of our aikido school, Lokahi Ki Society.

The class wasn’t about perfecting techniques or sparring; it was about bridging the gap between the mat and the real world.

How do the principles of balance, harmony, and redirection apply to relationships?

To work?

To personal challenges?

I’ll never forget those sessions.

They were like a flashlight, illuminating how the lessons we practiced—staying centered, moving with intention, maintaining calm under pressure—could guide us off the mat.

But here’s the thing: most martial artists never take that step.

They keep their skills confined to the dojo, not realizing those same skills could transform their lives.

You see it all the time.

The black belt who can take down an opponent in seconds but can’t keep their dojo running because they don’t understand marketing or customer retention.

The skilled fighter who struggles to communicate with their partner.

The disciplined martial artist who ignores their health off the mat and ends up burnt out and broken.

It’s not a lack of effort—it’s a lack of adaptability.

They’ve trained their body and mind to thrive in one environment but haven’t expanded that training to other battlefields.

The Battle of the Dojo:
Lessons in the 80/20 Rule

The 80/20 Rule is everywhere in life, and the dojo is no exception.

Over my 30+ years on the mat, I’ve noticed something fascinating: 80% of students show up for reasons other than mastering the art.

They’re there for exercise, community, or to feel like they belong to something bigger than themselves.

Then there’s the 20%.

These are the ones who push themselves, who study the techniques deeply, who stay after class to practice.

They’re the lifeblood of the school—the ones who carry its legacy and attract new students.

But here’s the catch: the dojo can’t survive on just the 20%.

Those 80% are the ones who keep the lights on, pay the rent, and create the environment where the 20% can thrive.

This dynamic isn’t unique to martial arts.

It plays out in every area of life:

  • Business: 20% of your efforts drive 80% of your results. But those results depend on the foundation you’ve built with the other 80%.

  • Relationships: 20% of your actions—listening, communicating, showing up—create 80% of the connection. But you can’t ignore the small, everyday moments.

  • Personal Growth: 20% of your habits—reading, journaling, reflecting—drive 80% of your development. But those habits only work if you’re consistent.

The lesson here?

Recognize who and what makes up your 80% and your 20% in every arena.

Both are critical to your success.

The Silent Enemy: Comfort

One of the greatest dangers for any warrior is comfort.

It whispers to you, convincing you that because you’ve mastered one area, you can ignore the others.

I’ve seen martial artists fall into this trap.

They’re comfortable on the mat, so they stay there.

They don’t challenge themselves to grow in other areas—like learning to run a business, build a community, or navigate life’s complexities.

But life doesn’t care about your comfort zone.

It’ll drag you into battles you’re unprepared for, and if you haven’t trained for those fights, you’ll lose.

The truth is, being a warrior means constantly seeking out discomfort.

It’s about being willing to step into unfamiliar arenas, knowing you might fail but choosing to fight anyway.

The Warrior’s Edge:
Applying Martial Arts Principles to Life

The mat teaches us so much more than how to fight.

It teaches us how to think, act, and respond under pressure.

The key is recognizing that these principles don’t stop at the edge of the mat—they’re universal.

The most important lesson of the mat is that it teaches you how to live, if you think about how to learn that lesson.

Here’s how to take what you’ve learned in martial arts and apply it to life:

  1. Stay Centered: On the mat, losing your balance means losing the fight. In life, it’s the same. Whether you’re dealing with a difficult client, a heated argument, or a personal setback, staying centered—emotionally and mentally—is your greatest weapon.

  2. Adapt to the Situation: Martial arts is all about flow. You don’t fight force with force; you redirect it. In life, this means embracing change, finding creative solutions, and staying flexible when plans go sideways.

  3. Commit Fully: Hesitation gets you hurt in martial arts. The same goes for life. If you’re going to pursue something—a career, a relationship, a goal—commit to it fully. Half-measures don’t cut it.

  4. Train for Every Battlefield: Martial artists train relentlessly to prepare for fights. But are you training for the battles that matter most? Are you studying communication, financial literacy, or emotional resilience?

  5. Honor the Small Victories: Progress in martial arts doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a series of small victories—a technique mastered, a moment of clarity, a new belt earned. Life works the same way. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small.

A Personal Story:
When Life Put Me on the Mat
The LAX Tom Bradley Terminal from the Mid-Field Concourse Job

I remember one of my hardest lessons.

It wasn’t on the mat—it was in life.

I was in charge of a crew on a multi-billion-dollar construction project, juggling deadlines, budgets, and a crew of people with different temperaments and skill sets.

It felt like every day was a new battle.

But you know what?

My years on the mat prepared me for it.

  • When tensions rose, I stayed calm.

  • When problems popped up, I adapted.

  • When I faced tough decisions, I committed to them fully.

The same principles that helped me spar with black belts helped me navigate one of the most stressful periods of my life.

That’s the power of being a warrior on multiple battlefields.

You don’t crumble when life gets tough—you rise to the challenge.

The Warrior’s Call

Being a great martial artist is an incredible achievement.

But if you confine your skills to the mat, you’re missing the bigger picture.

Life is the ultimate battlefield, and it demands warriors who are prepared to fight in every arena.

Ask yourself:

  • Are you applying the discipline of the mat to your career?

  • Are you bringing the calm and focus you’ve learned to your relationships?

  • Are you taking the lessons of perseverance and adaptability into every aspect of your life?

The greatest warriors aren’t just fighters—they’re learners, builders, and leaders.

They don’t limit themselves to one battlefield; they train for them all.

So, here’s your challenge: take the principles you’ve mastered in one area of life and start applying them everywhere.

Be the warrior who can handle whatever life throws your way.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not about how well you fight on the mat.

It’s about how well you live.

How Jiu-Jitsu Helps Me to Not Be Stuck in Life

by Leave a Comment

The Art of Not Painting Yourself into a Corner

Prs. Rodrigo Caporal and Jason Hunt

The Dance of Masters

The other day, I was on a recovery day—watching class instead of participating.

Sitting on one of the benches, I was observing a masterclass being put on by Professors Jason Hunt and Rodrigo Caporal.

Jason was teaching us that in any position, your partner is giving you signals on how to beat him by the very nature of how he is “protecting” himself.

You see, when you present force in any direction, you immediately give openings in all of the other directions.

It’s just a matter of feeling where the resistance is and flowing around it, redirecting it, or nullifying it (going with it so that it ends of its own accord).

As I was watching them “dance” and “flow” around one another—a testament to their decades of training together, knowing each other—I was amazed at how effortlessly they made it all look.

Letting go to feel and flow with their partner, not their opponent, was something I had first heard about in the 80s, training in Aikido under Naluai Sensei.

And here I was, hearing and seeing it again decades later.

The guiding principle of “the gentle way” of jiu-jitsu.​

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all live and practice this in our lives every day?

How We Paint Ourselves into a Corner

​​
Aikido principles of blending from Aikido
and the Dynamic Sphere

Most of us do the opposite.

Instead of feeling and flowing, we dig in.

We resist.

We double down on bad positions and force things to go our way, even when it’s clear that resistance is making things worse.

Think about how this applies beyond the mat.

  • In relationships: We get so fixated on being “right” that we refuse to hear what the other person is saying. We defend our ego rather than seeking to understand.
  • In careers: We stay in jobs that don’t serve us because we fear uncertainty, even when every fiber of our being is telling us to move on.
  • In personal growth: We cling to old identities that no longer fit because we’re afraid of the discomfort that comes with change.

Each time we stubbornly push against resistance, we paint ourselves into a corner.

We box ourselves in until we have no options left—just like a white belt who keeps driving forward without realizing he’s setting himself up to be swept.

But there’s a way out.

The Power of Flowing Around Resistance

If you’ve ever watched high-level grapplers, you’ll notice something interesting: they don’t fight force with force.

They absorb it.

Redirect it.

Flow around it.

This is a principle that extends far beyond jiu-jitsu.

It’s a principle that can change your entire life.

1. Recognizing the Signals

The first step is awareness.

In jiu-jitsu, every grip, every frame, every shift in weight tells a story.

The same is true in life.

The world is constantly giving you signals—feedback from people, obstacles that appear, gut instincts that tell you when something isn’t right.

The problem is, most people ignore them.

If you want to stop painting yourself into a corner, you need to start listening.

  • If a job makes you miserable every day, that’s a signal.
  • If your relationship feels like a constant battle, that’s a signal.
  • If you feel like you’re forcing yourself to be someone you’re not, that’s a signal.

The question is: will you acknowledge it, or will you keep fighting against the current?

2. Redirecting Instead of Resisting

Once you recognize resistance, you have two choices: fight it or flow around it.

Most people fight.

They argue when they should listen.

They stubbornly hold onto bad decisions.

They keep trying to force square pegs into round holes.

But the best move isn’t always to push harder—it’s to change direction.

  • Instead of clinging to a job that makes you miserable, start developing new skills and networking.
  • Instead of arguing endlessly in a relationship, take a step back and ask: “What if I’m wrong?”
  • Instead of forcing yourself into a mold that doesn’t fit, embrace your strengths and carve your own path.

Redirection is about seeing the opportunities that open up when you stop trying to bulldoze your way forward.

It’s about knowing when to pivot.

3. Expanding Your Options

Jiu-jitsu is a game of options.

If you only know one way out of a bad position, you’re stuck when that doesn’t work.

But if you have multiple escapes, sweeps, and transitions, you can flow into something else.

Life works the same way.

The more options you have, the less likely you are to feel trapped.

  • If you develop multiple skills, you’re not dependent on a single career path.
  • If you cultivate diverse friendships, you’re not reliant on one person for all your emotional support.
  • If you build financial independence, you’re not enslaved to a job you hate.

You don’t get trapped when you have options.

The key is to build them before you need them.

The Jiu-Jitsu of Life

In jiu-jitsu, the best practitioners don’t fight reality—they work with it.

They don’t brute-force their way through every situation.

They adapt.

They adjust.

They make their movements effortless by aligning with what’s already happening rather than resisting it.

Life is no different.

If you keep resisting reality, you’ll always feel stuck.

But if you start working with the flow—seeing the signals, redirecting when needed, and building your options—you’ll never be trapped again.

Putting It On the Mat

A few days after that class, I was rolling with a younger blue belt, a guy who had that fire in his eyes.

He was fast, aggressive, and strong.

The kind of guy who relied on athleticism and sheer willpower to win.

I knew as a smaller, weaker, older training partner that there was no way I could outpower or be more athletic than him.

So I let him dictate the pace.

I gave him just enough resistance to see where he wanted to go.

And sure enough, in his eagerness to pass, he put himself into a trap.

All I had to do was flow with his movement, giving it just a little bit more energy and he collapsed into a sweep.

I mounted him effortlessly, and the look in his eyes said it all.

“How the hell did that happen?”

“You beat yourself,” I said. “You were so determined to force your way through that you didn’t realize you were giving me everything I needed.”

He nodded.

The lesson was sinking in for me.

It’s the same off the mat.

  • Are you forcing something that’s not working?
  • Are you ignoring the signals that life is giving you?
  • Are you fighting so hard to control your life that you don’t realize you’re boxing yourself in?

What would happen if, just for a moment, you stopped fighting?

If you let go of resistance and flowed with what’s in front of you?

Here’s your challenge for the week:

  • Identify one area where you feel stuck.
  • Ask yourself: Am I resisting something that I should be flowing around?
  • Take one action to change direction instead of fighting harder.

You don’t have to be trapped.

You don’t have to be stuck.

The way out is right in front of you—if you’re willing to stop fighting and start flowing.

That’s what jiu-jitsu teaches us.

That’s what life teaches us.

Now put it on the mat.

Leaders and Losers Are Separated by Only One Habit

by Leave a Comment

The Time Under Tension Secret: Why Pressure Creates Diamonds

​
How many reps can you do before you quit?

What if I told you that the single factor separating the leaders from the losers, conquerors from complainers, and badasses from the bitches isn’t talent, luck, or connections—but your willingness to voluntarily place yourself under pressure when everyone else seeks comfort?

Picture this, it’s the summer of 2001.

The dojang was silent because most people were enjoying the sand, surf and sun of Santa Monica.

But not Barrett and I, the dojang was filled with the sound of heavy breathing and feet sliding across worn mats.

Barrett and I had been drilling for our second-degree black belt test for nearly two years, at least three additional sessions per week beyond our regular training.

While other students went home after class, we stayed. While others took weekends off, we showed up. While others made excuses about being tired or having other commitments, we subjected ourselves to voluntary suffering that would make most people quit within a week.

Day after day, we pushed each other through techniques until our bodies screamed and our minds begged for mercy. We corrected every minor detail, refined every movement, and drilled combinations until they became as natural as breathing.

The pressure was relentless—not because anyone was forcing us, but because we had chosen to demand more from ourselves than our comfort zones wanted to give.

When test day finally arrived, something remarkable happened. The examination that had terrified us for months felt almost… easy.

Not because the techniques had become simpler, but because we had systematically conditioned ourselves to perform under pressure far greater than anything the test could throw at us.

Some spectators later said it was one of the best demonstrations they had witnessed in years.

But here’s what they didn’t see: the hundreds of hours of voluntary discomfort that made those two hours of excellence possible. They saw the diamond, not the pressure that created it.

That experience taught me the most valuable lesson of my life—a principle that would later help me excel in a 35-year construction career, help build a few businesses, travel to nearly 40 countries, and create the kind of life most people only dream about.

The secret wasn’t natural talent, superior intelligence, or lucky breaks. It was my willingness to seek out “time under tension” when everyone else was seeking ease.

The Modern Comfort Epidemic

Walk through any office building, scroll through social media, or listen to conversations at your local coffee shop, and you’ll encounter the same pattern: people desperately trying to eliminate discomfort from their lives while simultaneously wondering why they’re not achieving the results they want.

We live in the most comfortable era in human history.

  • Climate-controlled environments protect us from weather.

  • Food delivery apps eliminate the inconvenience of cooking.

  • Entertainment streams directly to our devices to prevent even moments of boredom.

  • Online shopping means we never have to endure crowded stores or long lines.

This comfort revolution has created an unexpected side effect: we’ve become allergic to the very experiences that build strength, resilience, and capability.

Most people now interpret any form of difficulty as a problem to be solved rather than a tool for development.

But here’s the counterintuitive truth that separates the 1% from everyone else: voluntary discomfort is the ultimate competitive advantage.

While others run from pressure, champions run toward it.

While the masses seek the path of least resistance, masters deliberately choose the path of most resistance.

This isn’t masochism—it’s strategic.

Every significant achievement in human history has required someone to endure sustained pressure over extended periods.

  • Building businesses requires years of uncertainty and financial stress.

  • Mastering skills demands thousands of hours of practice past the point where it stops being fun.

  • Creating extraordinary relationships means having difficult conversations that most people avoid.

The winners understand something the losers don’t: you can’t simultaneously avoid pressure and achieve anything meaningful.

Pressure isn’t the obstacle to success—it’s the mechanism through which success is created.

​​
The Obstacle Is the Way by Ryan Holiday

Level 1 — The Recognition: Understanding Your Pressure Patterns

Your first mission involves developing the ability to recognize when you’re avoiding beneficial pressure versus eliminating unnecessary stress.

Not all discomfort is valuable, but all growth requires some form of voluntary tension.

The Pressure Audit:

For one week, track every moment when you choose the easier path over the harder but potentially more beneficial one:

  • Taking the elevator instead of stairs when you have time

  • Avoiding difficult conversations that could improve relationships

  • Choosing entertainment over skill development during free time

  • Postponing challenging projects in favor of busy work

  • Seeking social media validation instead of doing meaningful work

Most people are shocked to discover how automatically they avoid beneficial pressure.

We’ve become so accustomed to choosing comfort that we don’t even realize we’re making these micro-decisions dozens of times per day.

During my construction years, I noticed a clear pattern: the electricians who consistently got the best assignments and highest recommendations were those who volunteered for the jobs others avoided.

Underground work in tight spaces? They raised their hands.

Complex troubleshooting that might take all day? They stepped forward.

Working in extreme weather conditions? They showed up ready.

These weren’t necessarily the most skilled workers—they were the ones most willing to embrace discomfort as the price of growth and opportunity.

The Comfort Zone Mapping Exercise:

Identify three areas of your life where you’ve been unconsciously choosing comfort over growth:

  1. Physical: Where are you avoiding beneficial physical challenge?

  2. Mental: What intellectually demanding activities are you postponing?

  3. Emotional: Which difficult but important conversations are you avoiding?

For each area, rate your current comfort level (1-10) and identify one specific action that would move you toward beneficial pressure.

Your Level 1 Milestone: You catch yourself automatically asking “What’s the harder but more beneficial choice here?” instead of reflexively choosing whatever feels easiest.

Level 2 — The Volunteer: Seeking Strategic Pressure

Once you can recognize avoidance patterns, the next level involves systematically seeking out beneficial pressure before life forces it upon you.

This is where most people fail—they understand the concept intellectually but lack the practical framework for implementation.

The Three Types of Strategic Pressure:

Physical Time Under Tension: This is where martial arts training becomes invaluable, not because you’ll need to fight (though that capability has its benefits), but because it provides daily practice in performing under pressure.

When you’re grappling with someone who’s trying to submit you, when you’re holding a difficult stance until your muscles burn, when you’re sparring with someone better than you—you’re training your nervous system to function under stress.

​​
Meraki BJJ in West LA

But you don’t need martial arts to access this principle.

Any physical activity that pushes you past your comfort zone works: climbing stairs instead of elevators, walking instead of driving when possible, doing bodyweight exercises until failure, or simply choosing the more physically demanding option whenever you have a choice.

Mental Time Under Tension: This involves deliberately engaging with intellectually challenging material that makes your brain work harder than it wants to.

Reading complex books instead of scrolling social media.

Learning new skills that require sustained concentration.

Solving problems that don’t have obvious solutions.

Having conversations with people smarter than you about topics you don’t fully understand.

Most people’s mental muscles have atrophied from years of consuming easily digestible content. They’ve trained their brains to expect constant stimulation and immediate gratification.

Rebuilding the capacity for sustained mental effort requires the same approach as physical fitness: progressive overload over time.

Emotional Time Under Tension: This is often the most challenging because it involves deliberately engaging with situations that create psychological discomfort.

Having honest conversations about problems in relationships. Speaking up in meetings when you disagree with the majority opinion. Pursuing goals that matter to you despite potential criticism or failure.

Emotional resilience, like physical strength, is built through progressive exposure to stress.

You start with manageable challenges and gradually increase the intensity as your capacity grows.

The Weekly Pressure Protocol:

Design your week to include systematic exposure to all three types of beneficial pressure:

  • Monday: Physical challenge (workout, martial arts, demanding physical task)

  • Wednesday: Mental challenge (complex reading, skill practice, problem-solving)

  • Friday: Emotional challenge (difficult conversation, vulnerable expression, scary opportunity)

The key is consistency over intensity.

Small, regular doses of voluntary pressure create more lasting change than occasional extreme challenges.

Your Level 2 Milestone: You find yourself looking forward to challenging situations because you’ve trained yourself to see them as opportunities for growth rather than threats to avoid.

Level 3 — The Systematizer: Building Pressure Into Your Life Design

The highest level involves creating systems that automatically expose you to beneficial pressure without requiring constant willpower or decision-making.

This is where champions separate themselves from everyone else—they’ve built pressure into the structure of their lives.

The Progressive Overload Principle:

Borrowed from strength training, this principle involves gradually increasing the demands you place on yourself over time. Just as lifting the same weight forever won’t build additional strength, facing the same challenges forever won’t build additional resilience.

Every month, identify one area where you can increase the beneficial pressure:

  • Add complexity to your workout routine

  • Take on more challenging projects at work

  • Engage with more difficult reading material

  • Have deeper conversations in your relationships

  • Set goals that stretch your current capabilities

The Antifragile Design Framework:

Instead of just surviving pressure, design your life to actually benefit from stress and volatility. This means creating systems that get stronger when challenged rather than weaker:

Redundancy: Build multiple sources of income, skills, and relationships so that challenges in one area strengthen others rather than threatening your entire foundation.

Optionality: Maintain exposure to positive opportunities while limiting exposure to catastrophic risks. This allows you to benefit from uncertainty rather than just endure it.

Small Failures: Regularly expose yourself to low-stakes failures that teach valuable lessons without devastating consequences. This builds immunity to larger setbacks.

The Compound Pressure Strategy:

The most powerful approach involves stacking different types of pressure to create compound benefits:

Physical + Mental: Train martial arts or complex movement patterns that require both physical endurance and mental focus.

Mental + Emotional: Pursue learning opportunities that challenge both your intellectual capacity and emotional comfort zone.

Physical + Emotional: Engage in physical challenges that also require mental toughness and vulnerability.

When you combine different types of pressure, the adaptation effect multiplies rather than just adding together.

Your Level 3 Milestone: Your default response to new challenges is excitement rather than anxiety because you’ve trained yourself to recognize pressure as the raw material for growth.

Level 4 — The Master: Pressure as Competitive Advantage

True mastery involves reaching the point where your capacity to handle pressure becomes your primary competitive advantage.

At this level, you actively seek out the challenges others avoid because you know they contain the greatest opportunities.

The Pressure Differential Strategy:

In any competitive environment, opportunities flow toward those most willing and able to handle pressure.

While others avoid difficult clients, complex projects, or uncertain situations, you move toward them systematically.

This creates what I call “pressure arbitrage”—you extract value from situations others find too stressful to handle effectively.

The construction industry taught me this principle repeatedly: the highest-paying, most secure positions went to people who could perform reliably under conditions that broke everyone else.

The Voluntary Hardship Practice:

Regularly impose challenges on yourself that serve no purpose other than building resilience:

  • Take cold showers to build discomfort tolerance

  • Fast periodically to practice delayed gratification

  • Walk or bike instead of driving to maintain physical conditioning

  • Read difficult books to keep your mental muscles strong

  • Have honest conversations to maintain emotional courage

These practices might seem pointless, but they serve a crucial function: they maintain your capacity to handle pressure when it matters most.

The Teaching Through Pressure Approach:

The ultimate test of mastery is your ability to help others develop their own pressure tolerance. When you can guide someone else through voluntary discomfort and help them discover their expanded capabilities, you’ve truly internalized these principles.

This might involve mentoring colleagues through challenging projects, training partners in martial arts, or simply modeling the behavior of someone who embraces rather than avoids beneficial pressure.

Your Level 4 Milestone: Others start seeking you out specifically for high-pressure situations because they know you’ll not only handle them effectively but actually seem to thrive under conditions that overwhelm most people.

Putting It On the Mat

This week, I challenge you to begin building your pressure tolerance through systematic, voluntary exposure to beneficial discomfort.

Your 7-Day Time Under Tension Challenge:

Day 1-2 (Assessment): Identify the three areas where you most automatically choose comfort over growth. Rate your current tolerance for pressure in physical, mental, and emotional domains.

Day 3-4 (Selection): Choose one specific type of beneficial pressure to focus on this week. Start with the area that feels most manageable but still challenging.

Day 5-7 (Implementation): Create one daily practice that exposes you to your chosen type of pressure. This should be uncomfortable but not overwhelming—about a 6-7 out of 10 difficulty level.
Not too hard and not too easy

The Monthly Pressure Building Protocol:

Each month, systematically increase your capacity in one domain:

  • Month 1: Physical pressure tolerance through exercise, martial arts, or challenging physical tasks

  • Month 2: Mental pressure tolerance through complex learning, problem-solving, or intellectual challenges

  • Month 3: Emotional pressure tolerance through difficult conversations, vulnerable expression, or scary opportunities

  • Month 4: Combined pressure tolerance by stacking multiple types of challenge simultaneously

Your Weekly Pressure Check-in:

Every Sunday, spend 15 minutes reflecting on:

  1. What pressure did I voluntarily seek out this week that I would have avoided before?

  2. How did my response to stress and challenge differ from my past patterns?

  3. What evidence am I building that I’m becoming more resilient and capable?

Remember: The goal isn’t to become someone who enjoys suffering—it’s to become someone who can handle necessary discomfort in service of meaningful goals.

Every champion, master, and exceptional performer throughout history has understood this principle.

The martial arts mat will always be there, ready to teach you that you’re stronger than your fears and more capable than your comfort zone suggests.

But the real training happens in every moment when you choose the harder path because you know it leads somewhere worth going.

Your willingness to seek out time under tension—when everyone else seeks ease—determines whether you’ll spend your life hoping for opportunities or having them seek you out because they know you can handle whatever comes next.

The pressure is waiting.

The question is whether you’ll run from it or embrace it as the tool that transforms ordinary people into extraordinary performers.