The Unexpected Ally:
Why Having Unconquerable Friends Makes You Stronger

Have you ever heard the saying, “Iron sharpens iron”?

It’s an old proverb, but it holds a surprising truth, especially when it comes to living a courageous life.

We all know the value of good friends – the ones who have your back, celebrate your wins and pick you up when you fall.

But there’s another kind of friend, a rarer breed, who challenges you in a way that can feel frustrating at times, even infuriating.

These are the friends you can’t quite seem to beat, no matter how hard you try.

The ones who push you further, climb higher mountains, and land that promotion you were both eyeing.

My Immovable Object and Unstoppable Force Buddies in Hapkido

I often write about my times of triumph and success training under GM Bong Soo Han; getting a couple of black belts, teaching the kids’ classes, and having fun training.

But, those wins had a cost.

For almost 15 years, two guys on the mat kicked my ass all the time.

I love those guys off the mat, but on the mat, they were rough.

So much so, after one particularly depressing tromping on a Saturday, I had a long journal session on Sunday.

“What the hell am I doing!?”

Week after week, getting my ass handed to me!

It was discouraging, no matter what I tried they would have a response that would nullify me.

But after my journalling session, I remembered something…

I wasn’t there to “win,” I was there to grow.

And there was one more thing.

I knew one of the guys I sparred with would get into fights on the street, he had a wild streak in him and he was young so he liked testing himself on the street.

He could, and did, easily go up against three guys at bars and drop them, he was big, strong, and very talented as a martial artist.

Was it any surprise that my 5’3″ 120# frame would have problems?

But here’s what I discovered.

Going up against him week after week, I wasn’t afraid of anybody on the street.

Sure, I might get my ass kicked by someone on the street but I was used to that, lol.

If I could face the two guys in my school knowing the pain I was in for, I wasn’t going to worry about some random guy, since most are bullies but not badasses.

Those two guys weren’t my worst enemies, they were my best friends!

Here’s the thing:

Having these “unconquerable” friends isn’t about some toxic one-upmanship.

It’s actually a secret weapon in your own journey to living courageously.

Here’s why:

• They expose your comfort zone. We all have that cozy space where things are familiar and safe. It’s comfortable, sure, but it’s also where growth stagnates. Your unconquerable friend, by constantly reaching for more, forces you to confront that comfort zone. They make you question if “good enough” is truly good enough. They ignite that spark within you to push past your perceived limitations.
• They redefine what’s possible. We often underestimate our own potential. But seeing your friend consistently shatter personal bests, land that dream job, or conquer a fear you share, subtly shifts your perception. It becomes a living testament to what’s achievable. It whispers, “If they can do it, maybe I can too.” This reframing of possibilities fuels your own courage to chase seemingly impossible goals.
• They create a healthy competition. Competition gets a bad rap sometimes, but when it’s rooted in mutual respect and camaraderie, it becomes a powerful motivator. Your friend’s successes aren’t a source of envy; they’re a challenge, a call to action. You see their achievements and think, “Alright, my turn to step up my game.” This friendly competition pushes you to constantly improve, to learn new skills, and to strive for excellence in everything you do.
• They celebrate your (unique) victories. Here’s the beauty of true friendship – even if you can’t quite reach their level yet, your wins are still celebrated. Your unconquerable friend genuinely wants to see you succeed, even if it means surpassing them in a different way. They recognize that your strengths and passions may lie elsewhere, and they celebrate your victories on your own terms.
• They build resilience. Let’s face it, constantly falling short can be disheartening. But here’s the thing: the sting of “losing” to your friend also builds resilience. You learn to bounce back from setbacks, dust yourself off, and come back stronger. You develop a mental fortitude that allows you to face challenges head-on, knowing you have the grit to persevere.

Having these friends in your life isn’t about being constantly defeated; it’s about being constantly challenged.

They’re the iron that sharpens your own, pushing you to become the best version of yourself.

They remind you that courage isn’t about winning every battle; it’s about having the heart to keep fighting, to keep striving for more, even when the odds seem stacked against you.

So, the next time you feel frustrated by your seemingly “unconquerable” friend, remember – they’re not your rivals; they’re your unexpected allies on your journey to a courageous life.

P.S. To be a badass leader, you have to challenge yourself against even badder-ass leaders.

“It’s hard to fly like an eagle when surrounded by turkeys.” isn’t just a bumper sticker but a fact of life.

If you’re looking to level up your life and haven’t already taken my FREE 3-week course on personal leadership, you can get it here: Learn to Lead​

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It’s the system I used to achieve the success I enjoy, and it’ll help you to do the same, faster and further.

Every Decision is a Brick:
Building Your Future, One Choice at a Time

I remember that feeling.

Stuck at a crossroads, with a decision looming that could change everything?

Maybe you’re there right now, staring down a similar fork in the road.

It could be a career choice, a relationship question, or even something as simple as which path to take on your morning run.

I hear you.

Life is Full of Choices

In 1987, when I was twenty-one years old, I was working as a fire alarm tech.

Before that I had worked in restaurants, I liked the easy cash from tips and getting to meet people each day.

But I didn’t see myself having a career in food service. and was seeking something else.

When the construction job popped up, I jumped on it.

It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t exactly setting the world on fire (pun intended).

Then I learned about these electrical apprenticeships available: sound tech or inside wireman.

The sound tech seemed familiar with what I was doing, pulling signal cables and decent pay at $19 an hour. (about $51/hour in today’s dollars)

Inside wireman, though?

That was different.

Higher pay, $23 an hour, but also more responsibility, a tougher test to get in, and years of commitment.

Let’s face it, the safe route was staying put.

My foreman made $25 an hour, a decent bump from what I was making.

Given time and effort, it was a position I felt I could achieve.

But the wireman path?

That was a whole new building, a chance to dig in and learn a valuable skill.

Scary?

Absolutely.

But also, exciting.

Here’s the thing:

Every decision we make, big or small, is like laying a brick in the foundation of our future.

Choosing the sound tech path would have been a solid brick, sure.

But the wireman path?

That was a foundation stone, a chance to build something truly remarkable.

And that’s the power of choice, my friend.

It’s not about picking the easy route every time.

It’s about understanding that every decision, even the tough ones, shapes who we become and what we achieve.

Sure, there’s no guarantee of success.

The wireman test was competitive, over 7000 guys showed up that day in downtown Los Angeles for the exam.

And the apprenticeship was long, 4 years of night classes and on-the-job training, failing either could get you booted from the program.

But I took a shot, and that shot paid off.

Looking back, I can’t imagine where I’d be if I hadn’t taken that chance!

Being an electrician allowed me to build a happy and successful life:

I got to work on amazing projects like;

• The Peacock Theater (formerly The Nokia Theatre)
• Satellite manufacturing clean rooms and sound chambers
• SCIF rooms
• The LAX Control Tower and MSC Terminal
• and so many more

Generator being set at LAX MSC Terminal

You’ve Got to “Put It On the Mat”

In martial arts, we love to debate techniques, strategies, and tactics.

But there is always one way to end the debate,

“Put it on the mat!”

Get out there and try it, see what happens and how you do it.

Here’s the truth:

The path less traveled isn’t always the easiest, but it’s often the most rewarding.

It’s about pushing yourself, taking calculated risks, and trusting your gut.

It’s about looking at that fork in the road and saying, “I’m going to build something great here.”

So, what choice are you facing right now?

Is it a new job opportunity that seems daunting?

A relationship that needs a difficult conversation?

Whatever it is, remember this: the power lies in your hands.

Don’t be afraid to take the challenging path, the one that scares you a little.

Because that’s often the path that leads to the most incredible views.

P.S. Life is full of choices. You can play it safe but that rarely pans out. So you might as well make the harder choice.

If anything, you will weed out the competition because most people are willing to make that choice.

In case you haven’t taken advantage of it, I’ve laid out the roadmap I used to make the hard choices, it’s my blueprint for personal leadership.

You can get it here for FREE: Learn to Lead

The Unsung Hero: Why the Internal Journey is Your Greatest Adventure

“Become a millionaire not for the million dollars, but for what it will make of you to achieve it.”

― Jim Rohn

When I first walked through the doors of GM Bong Soo Han’s Hapkido studio, I had no desire to be a black belt.

All I knew was that from Aikido in Hawaii, I felt more at peace when training on the mat.

It was as simple as that for me.

I was able to let out and let go of the negativity of everyday life.

But something strange happened along the way.

I began to grow and see myself differently.

Bigger.

Better.

As a leader.

After that, training for and earning my black belt was just a natural step in my journey for growth, learning, and progress.

The Hero’s Journey

While countless stories capture the thrill of the external hero’s journey, from slaying dragons to conquering new lands, a deeper truth lies hidden within.

The true path to growth and fulfillment often lies not in external conquest, but in the unseen internal battles we face every day.

This, my friend, is the internal hero’s journey, and it’s arguably the most crucial and enduring adventure of all.

Many of us are familiar with Joseph Campbell’s groundbreaking work, The Hero with a Thousand Faces.

This seminal text has become the blueprint for countless myths, movies, and stories, all featuring external journeys of heroes overcoming obstacles and achieving external victories.

However, what often gets overlooked is the transformative internal journey that occurs alongside the external one.

Think of your favorite hero.

Yes, they may have faced epic battles and emerged victorious, but did they do so unchanged?

Most likely, their external quest forced them to confront their inner demons, overcome doubts, and evolve into a stronger, more self-aware version of themselves.

The Internal Growth Needed to Be a Hero

This internal growth is what empowers them to not only conquer external challenges but also to navigate the complexities of life with greater wisdom and resilience.

So, why is the internal journey so important?

Here’s why:

1. It’s your personal story: While external heroes face fantastical challenges, your internal journey is unique to your own life experiences and aspirations. It’s about confronting your personal fears, insecurities, and limiting beliefs. It’s about discovering your values, finding your inner strength, and ultimately, becoming the best version of yourself.
2. It’s a continuous process: Unlike external journeys with clear beginnings and ends, the internal journey is a lifelong process. Every day presents you with opportunities to learn, grow, and overcome. It’s about embracing challenges, learning from failures, and continuously striving for self-improvement.
3. It shapes your external reality: The skills and insights you gain from your internal journey empower you to navigate the external world with greater confidence and clarity. By confronting your inner demons, you learn to overcome external obstacles with increased resilience and a sense of purpose.

So, how do you embark on your own internal hero’s journey?

1. Embrace self-reflection: Dedicate time to exploring your thoughts, feelings, and motivations. Journaling, meditation, or seeking guidance from a mentor can all be valuable tools for introspection.
2. Step outside your comfort zone: Challenge yourself to try new things, face your fears, and push yourself beyond your perceived limitations. Growth often happens outside of our comfort zones.
3. Learn from your experiences: Whether you succeed or fail, every experience offers an opportunity to learn and grow. Reflect on your challenges, identify areas for improvement, and use them as stepping stones on your journey.
4. Celebrate your progress: Acknowledge your achievements, no matter how small. Recognizing your progress, both internal and external, will fuel your motivation and keep you moving forward.

Remember, the internal hero’s journey is not about becoming a mythical hero slaying dragons.

It’s about embracing the everyday challenges we face, conquering our internal struggles, and growing into the best version of ourselves.

It’s a journey of self-discovery, continuous improvement, and ultimately, a life lived with purpose and fulfillment.

So, embark on your own internal hero’s journey, warrior. The adventure awaits.

P.S. If you’re struggling on your journey to be a warrior, leader, and hero, I can help. I share the lessons I’ve learned, and the steps that I’ve taken to achieve success in my life, it’s a FREE 3-week, 22-email class on personal leadership.

You can get it here: ​Learn to Lead​

With it, you will also The Daily Dojo, your daily guide to living the martial path, all without needing to step on the mat!