The Why Behind the What: Why Most People Struggle Because They’re Missing Half the Equation

Picture this: You’re in the locker room after a great Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class, and a fellow white belt is raving about how awesome the instructor was at explaining the techniques.

“He breaks everything down so clearly,” he says. “I can actually understand what to do and how to do it.”

You agree—the instructor is indeed excellent at teaching techniques.

But then you mention something that makes your training partner pause:

“One of my favorite instructors is actually the black belt who shows up on open mat Sundays. He’s great at explaining the underlying principles and philosophy of BJJ.”

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That conversation crystallized something I’ve observed across decades of martial arts, construction work, business building, and life in general: most people focus obsessively on the what and how while completely neglecting the why—and this is precisely why they struggle.

They want to be taught what to do and how to do something.

After all, it’s practical. You can see immediate results.

It feels like you’re making progress.

Until suddenly, you’re not.

Understanding the why is just as important—if not more important—for creating lasting progress and success.

Because any one technique will work in a few situations but not all, while the underlying principles are the universal rules that apply to the vast majority of situations.

Start With Why

I remember when Simon Sinek first got on my radar when he was promoting his book, Start With Why, because this was the question I had been asking my whole life.

In fact, I was so bothersome to my mother endlessly asking curious question about “why” that she bought me a series of books of “Tell Me Why…” I loved them!

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The Technique Collector Trap

But I was surprised that most people don’t care about why, they’re more interested in what and how.

I’ve watched this pattern play out countless times in martial arts.

Students become “technique collectors”—accumulating hundreds of moves, counters, and variations without understanding the fundamental principles that make them work, studying all, mastering none.

They’re like someone trying to learn a language by memorizing individual sentences without understanding grammar, syntax, or the logic that connects words into meaning.

When their memorized techniques don’t work in live situations, they don’t know why.

They can’t adapt.

They can’t troubleshoot.

They end up throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks, cycling through their mental library of techniques hoping something will work.

This approach creates several problems:

Overwhelm: With hundreds of techniques to choose from, decision-making becomes paralyzed.

Inefficiency: Time and energy are wasted on techniques that don’t fit the situation.

Fragility: When techniques fail, there’s no deeper understanding to fall back on.

Plateauing: Progress stalls because there’s no foundation for continued growth.

Frustration: The gap between knowledge and application becomes a source of constant stress.

The Principle-Based Approach

Contrast this with students who understand principles.

They might know fewer techniques, but they understand why each technique works, when it applies, and how to modify it when conditions change.

In BJJ, for example, understanding principles like:

• Leverage: Using mechanical advantage to overcome strength differences
• Base and posture: Maintaining stability while disrupting your opponent’s
• Timing: Recognizing when your opponent is vulnerable
• Distance management: Controlling the space between you and your opponent
• Energy conservation: Using minimal effort for maximum effect

These principles apply to thousands of situations and can generate countless techniques organically.

The principle-based student doesn’t need to memorize every possible variation of a submission.

They understand the underlying mechanics of joint manipulation and can adapt in real-time based on how their opponent responds.

The Construction Site Lesson

This same pattern played out during my decades in construction.

I worked with two types of people:

Technique collectors: Workers who knew how to perform specific tasks exactly as they were taught.

They could frame a wall, pour concrete, or install electrical systems as long as conditions matched their training.

But when something unexpected happened—and something always happens on construction sites—they were lost.

Principle understanders: Workers who grasped the underlying physics, engineering, and logic behind construction methods.

They understood why buildings are built the way they are, what forces need to be managed, and how different materials behave under various conditions.

When problems arose, the technique collectors would freeze or panic.

The principle understanders would analyze the situation, understand what was happening, and devise solutions.

Guess which group became foremen, supervisors, and eventually business owners?

The Business Building Application

The same dynamic exists in entrepreneurship and business building.

Many people focus obsessively on tactics—specific marketing techniques, particular software tools, exact scripts and formulas—without understanding the underlying principles of human psychology, market dynamics, and value creation.

They follow step-by-step guides and detailed blueprints, expecting identical results.

When the tactics don’t work in their specific situation, they assume they need different tactics.

They become course junkies, constantly searching for the “right” technique instead of developing deeper understanding.

Successful entrepreneurs understand principles like:

• Value creation: Solving real problems for real people
• Market validation: Testing assumptions before major investments
• Customer psychology: Understanding what motivates purchasing decisions
• Systems thinking: Building processes that can scale and improve
• Risk management: Balancing potential rewards with potential losses

These principles allow them to navigate changing markets, adapt to new technologies, and create solutions for problems that don’t have existing playbooks.

The Life Application

This what-versus-why dynamic affects every area of life:

Relationships: Memorizing communication techniques versus understanding empathy, respect, and genuine care for others.

Health: Following specific diet and exercise programs versus understanding nutrition science, movement principles, and your body’s individual needs.

Finance: Using particular investment strategies versus understanding compound interest, risk assessment, and economic principles.

Parenting: Applying specific discipline techniques versus understanding child development, individual personality differences, and the long-term goals of raising healthy adults.

Career development: Learning specific job skills versus understanding value creation, market trends, and human networking principles.

In every case, the principle-based approach creates more adaptability, resilience, and long-term success.

Why People Avoid the Why

If understanding principles is so powerful, why do most people focus only on techniques?

Several factors contribute to this preference:

Immediate Gratification

Techniques provide instant results and visible progress. Principles take longer to understand and apply.

Concrete vs. Abstract

Techniques are tangible and specific. Principles are conceptual and require more mental effort to grasp.

Fear of Complexity

Understanding principles requires acknowledging that situations are more complex than simple formulas can address.

Educational System Conditioning

Most educational systems emphasize memorization and step-by-step procedures over critical thinking and principle understanding.

Marketing Influence

Courses, books, and programs sell better when they promise specific techniques rather than deep understanding.

Ego Protection

It’s easier to blame a technique for not working than to admit you don’t understand the underlying principles.

But here’s the trap: the short-term ease of technique focus creates long-term struggle and limitation.

The Balance Point

The solution isn’t to abandon techniques entirely and focus only on principles.

It’s about finding the right balance between the pragmatic and the theoretical, the what and the why.

Too much technique focus without principle understanding leads to:

• Rigid thinking and inability to adapt
• Overwhelming complexity as you accumulate more techniques
• Frustration when techniques don’t work in new situations
• Dependence on external instruction for every new challenge

Too much principle focus without practical application leads to:

• Analysis paralysis and overthinking
• Inability to take concrete action
• Theoretical knowledge that doesn’t translate to real-world results
• Becoming an armchair philosopher rather than a practitioner

The optimal approach combines both:

• Learn techniques as practical applications of underlying principles
• Understand principles through experimentation with various techniques
• Use techniques as laboratories for testing and refining principle understanding
• Apply principles to generate new techniques when existing ones don’t fit

The Teaching Two-Step

The best instructors I’ve encountered across martial arts, construction, and business all follow a similar pattern:

Step 1: Teach the Technique

Show exactly what to do and how to do it. Break it down into clear, actionable steps. Provide immediate feedback and correction.

Step 2: Explain the Principles

Discuss why the technique works, what principles it demonstrates, how it connects to other techniques, and when it might not be the best choice.

This two-step approach gives students both immediate practical tools and the deeper understanding needed for long-term growth.

How to Develop Principle Understanding

If you recognize that you’ve been focusing too heavily on techniques without understanding principles, here’s how to develop deeper comprehension:

Ask Better Questions

Instead of just “How do I do this?” also ask:

• “Why does this work?”
• “When would this not work?”
• “What principle is this demonstrating?”
• “How does this connect to other things I know?”
• “What would happen if I modified this approach?”

Study Fundamentals

Whatever field you’re in, go back and study the foundational principles:

• In martial arts: physics, anatomy, psychology
• n business: economics, psychology, systems thinking
• In relationships: human psychology, communication theory
• In health: physiology, nutrition science, stress management

Experiment and Analyze

Don’t just practice techniques—experiment with variations and analyze what happens:

• What changes when you modify the technique?
• Which elements are essential and which are optional?
• How do different opponents/situations affect the technique?

Teach Others

Teaching forces you to understand principles deeply enough to explain them. You can’t just demonstrate—you have to articulate the why.

Cross-Train

Study related fields to see how similar principles apply in different contexts. This deepens your understanding and reveals universal patterns.

Find Principle-Focused Mentors

Seek out instructors, mentors, and resources that emphasize understanding over just technique accumulation.

The Long-Term Payoff

Developing principle understanding requires more effort upfront, but the long-term payoff is enormous:

Adaptability: You can handle new situations that don’t match your previous experience.

Efficiency: You choose the right approach more quickly instead of trial-and-error.

Innovation: You can create new solutions instead of just copying existing ones.

Teaching Ability: You can help others understand, not just demonstrate.

Confidence: You trust your ability to figure things out instead of feeling dependent on external instruction.

Mastery: You develop true expertise instead of just technical proficiency.

Your Why-Finding Action Plan

Starting today, begin implementing these strategies:

Week 1: Assessment

• Identify areas where you’ve been technique-focused without principle understanding
• List three techniques you use regularly but don’t fully understand why they work
• Find one principle-focused resource (book, instructor, course) in your main area of interest

Week 2: Investigation

• For each technique you identified, research the underlying principles
• Start asking “why” questions in your practice or work
• Experiment with modifying familiar techniques to test your understanding

Week 3: Application

• Practice explaining techniques to others, focusing on the principles
• Look for connections between different techniques that share common principles
• Begin developing your own variations based on principle understanding

Week 4: Integration

• Make principle investigation a regular part of your learning process
• Seek out instruction that emphasizes understanding over just technique acquisition
• Begin teaching or mentoring others to deepen your own understanding

The Bottom Line

Most people struggle in life because they focus obsessively on what to do and how to do it while completely neglecting why it works.

They become technique collectors instead of principle understanders, and this approach inevitably leads to plateaus, frustration, and inability to adapt to new situations.

The solution isn’t to abandon practical techniques—it’s to balance the pragmatic with the theoretical, the what with the why.

When you understand both the surface technique and the underlying principles, you develop the adaptability, creativity, and confidence that characterize true mastery.

Whether it’s that black belt explaining the philosophy behind BJJ techniques, the experienced foreman who understands construction principles, or the successful entrepreneur who grasps market dynamics, the people who excel over the long term are those who invest in understanding why things work, not just how they work.

Your techniques will serve you in specific situations.

Your principles will serve you for a lifetime.

The choice is yours: you can continue collecting techniques and hoping they’ll work when you need them, or you can invest in understanding the deeper principles that will allow you to adapt, create, and excel regardless of what challenges you face.

Stop throwing spaghetti at the wall. Start understanding why some spaghetti sticks and others don’t.

Your future self—more adaptable, more confident, and more capable—will thank you for making the effort to understand not just what to do, but why it works.

The Universal Heart: Why Traveling the World Reveals We’re All the Same

Last summer I took an amazing trip, spending almost a month away from home by myself, but not alone.

Here’s what I learned.

From Island Paradise to Global Awakening

Growing up in Honolulu in the ’70s and ’80s had its pros and cons.

On one hand, you’re living on a tropical island with year-round warm weather and the Pacific Ocean as your playground. Life was beautiful in the most literal sense.

But here’s what most people don’t realize about paradise: you’re also stuck on an island in the middle of the Pacific, six hours by plane from anything else.

You think you know the world, but your world is so incredibly small.

I thought I was worldly. I thought I understood people and cultures. After all, Hawaii was the “melting pot of the Pacific” with its blend of Asian, Pacific Islander, and Western influences.

But the truth was, I was living in a beautiful bubble.

When I was 20, I moved to Los Angeles, where there were 3.5 million people in the city alone— over four times as many people as were in the entire state of Hawaii.

That certainly expanded my horizons. The sheer scale, diversity, and energy of LA was overwhelming in the best possible way.

But it wasn’t until I met my wife—a woman who had already traveled the world—that my real education began.

She started planning trips for us, beginning with where she grew up in Alberta, Canada: Calgary, Edmonton, and the surrounding beautiful areas of Emerald Lake, Chateau Lake Louise, and the breathtaking Canadian Rockies.

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Then came Egypt, Switzerland, Turkey, Greece, Italy, Spain… and so many more countries. Nearly 30 right now, with no signs of stopping.

Each journey has expanded my horizons exponentially. I’ve seen how wonderful this planet is and, more importantly, how incredible the people in it are.

What strikes me most profoundly is how we’re more alike than we ever imagined, even with our cultural differences.

Everywhere I go, I see the same fundamental human desires: we all want to be accepted, respected, and loved.

We all want to take care of our families and communities. We all want the respect and autonomy to live our lives in peace and care for one another.

I heard a statistic recently that broke my heart: the vast majority of Americans never leave a 100-mile radius from where they grew up.

That’s not just sad for the incredible experiences they’re missing—it’s tragic because I remember how ignorant and arrogant I was when I was confined to Hawaii.

I knew what I knew, but I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

Travel changed that. Travel changed everything.

And I hope it changes something for you too.

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The Ancient Art of Expanding Circles

Marco Polo: The Merchant Who Discovered Shared Humanity

In 1271, at age 17, Marco Polo embarked on what would become one of history’s most transformative journeys. He traveled the Silk Road from Venice to the court of Kublai Khan in China—a 24-year odyssey that would fundamentally change how Europeans understood the world.

Before Polo’s journey, Europeans believed that people in distant lands were fundamentally different—perhaps not even fully human. The unknown was filled with monsters, savages, and alien cultures that couldn’t possibly share European values or aspirations.

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But Polo discovered something revolutionary: everywhere he went, people were recognizably, beautifully human.

In his famous account, The Travels of Marco Polo, he wrote: “I have not told half of what I saw.” But what struck him most wasn’t the exotic differences—it was the familiar similarities.

Families caring for children. Communities working together. People falling in love, creating art, seeking meaning, and struggling with the same fundamental questions about life and purpose.

​[you can read it here for free]​

Polo observed merchants in Samarkand who conducted business with the same integrity and cunning as Venetian traders. He watched mothers in Mongolia comfort crying children with the same tenderness he’d witnessed in Italy. He saw rulers in China grappling with the same leadership challenges as European kings.

His writings revolutionized European understanding not by emphasizing how different other cultures were, but by revealing how fundamentally similar human experience is across geographical and cultural boundaries.

Marco Polo understood something that modern neuroscience has confirmed: human beings everywhere share the same basic emotional architecture, the same fundamental needs, and the same capacity for wisdom, love, and growth.

Ernest Hemingway: The Writer Who Found Universal Truths

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​Ernest Hemingway spent his life traveling—from the cafes of Paris to the battlefields of Spain, from the fishing villages of Cuba to the safari camps of Africa.

But unlike tourists who collect experiences like souvenirs, Hemingway traveled to understand something deeper about the human condition.

Hemingway wrote:

“I have always tried to write on the principle of the iceberg.

There is seven-eighths of it underwater for every part that shows.”

This wasn’t just about his writing technique—it was about his understanding of humanity itself.

The “above water” part was what made cultures seem different: language, customs, clothing, food, religious rituals. But the “underwater” part—the seven-eighths that really mattered—was universal: love, loss, courage, fear, hope, despair, the struggle to find meaning in the face of mortality.

Whether he was writing about American soldiers in Italy during WWI, Spanish bullfighters facing death in the ring, or Cuban fishermen battling the sea, Hemingway revealed the same underlying truths: people everywhere grapple with the same fundamental challenges of being human.

In A Farewell to Arms, an American soldier and an Italian nurse find love amid the chaos of war. In For Whom the Bell Tolls, an American fights alongside Spanish guerrillas and discovers that heroism and sacrifice look the same in every language. In The Old Man and the Sea, a Cuban fisherman’s struggle against nature reveals universal truths about dignity, persistence, and grace under pressure.

Hemingway’s great insight was that the more deeply you understand any culture, the more you realize how much we all share beneath the surface differences.

The Universal Principle: Expanding Circles of Compassion

Here’s what Marco Polo, Hemingway, and every wise traveler throughout history has discovered: exposure to different cultures doesn’t reveal how different we are—it reveals how similar we are.

The more you travel, the more you realize that what we call “cultural differences” are often just different expressions of identical human needs and values.

This works because travel forces us to move beyond superficial differences and engage with the deeper human realities that motivate all behavior:

• The parent in rural Morocco worrying about their child’s future has the same concerns as a parent in suburban Ohio
• The small business owner in Vietnam trying to provide for their family faces the same challenges as an entrepreneur in Detroit
• The elderly couple walking hand-in-hand in a Swiss village shares the same love and commitment as grandparents in Kansas
• The young person in Tokyo dreaming of their future has the same hopes and fears as a college student in California

Ancient philosophers called this “expanding circles of compassion”—starting with care for your immediate family, then extending to your community, your nation, and ultimately embracing all of humanity as part of your extended family.

​Robert Thurman: Expanding your circle of compassion​

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The Warrior Philosophy: Strength Through Connection

What makes this “warrior wisdom” rather than simple cultural observation is its recognition that understanding our shared humanity is a source of real power.

Warriors throughout history have understood that fear and conflict often arise from ignorance and misunderstanding.

When you’ve sat at tables with families around the world, when you’ve seen how people everywhere struggle with similar challenges and celebrate similar joys, it becomes much harder to see any group of people as fundamentally “other.”

This doesn’t mean becoming naive about real differences in values or ignoring genuine conflicts. It means approaching differences from a foundation of shared humanity rather than assumed alienation.

Consider how this changes your approach to:

Conflict resolution: Instead of assuming the other person is unreasonable, you start from the assumption that they have legitimate needs and concerns that might not be immediately obvious.

Business and career: You develop the cultural intelligence to work effectively with people from different backgrounds because you understand the universal human motivations beneath cultural expressions.

Personal relationships: You become more curious and less judgmental about people who seem different from you, which leads to richer connections and broader perspectives.

Leadership: You can inspire and motivate diverse groups because you understand how to appeal to shared values while respecting different expressions.

The Ripple Effects: Global Consciousness in Daily Life

When you truly internalize our shared humanity, it transforms how you move through the world even when you’re not traveling:

Individually, you develop what psychologists call “cognitive flexibility”—the ability to see situations from multiple perspectives. This makes you more resilient, more creative, and better at solving complex problems.

You also become less reactive to differences and more curious about them. Instead of feeling threatened by unfamiliar customs or viewpoints, you approach them as opportunities to learn something new about the human experience.

Professionally, this global mindset makes you incredibly valuable in our interconnected economy. You can work effectively with international teams, understand diverse markets, and bridge different perspectives to create innovative solutions.

In relationships, you become someone who brings out the best in others because you’re looking for shared humanity rather than highlighting differences. You create connections across boundaries that others might see as insurmountable.

Collectively, when more people understand our fundamental connectedness, we create communities and societies that work better for everyone. We move beyond tribal thinking toward genuinely collaborative problem-solving.

Putting It On the Mat: The Warrior’s Practice of Expanding Circles

The Radius Audit: How Big Is Your World?

Start by honestly examining the boundaries of your current experience:

• What’s the farthest you’ve traveled from where you grew up?
• How many people do you regularly interact with who have different cultural backgrounds than yours?
• What percentage of your media consumption comes from sources outside your cultural bubble?
• When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with someone who sees the world very differently than you do?

Most people discover that their world is much smaller than they realized.

Three Levels of Circle Expansion Practice

Level 1: Local Exploration: You don’t need to travel internationally to start expanding your circles. Begin by exploring the diversity that already exists in your area. Visit neighborhoods you’ve never been to. Try restaurants serving cuisines you’ve never eaten. Attend cultural events, religious services, or community gatherings outside your usual circles. The goal is to start recognizing shared humanity in people who might initially seem very different from you.

Level 2: Intentional Travel: When you do travel, whether domestically or internationally, travel like Marco Polo rather than a typical tourist. Instead of just seeing sights, engage with people. Stay in local accommodations rather than international hotel chains. Eat where locals eat. Ask questions about daily life, family traditions, hopes and concerns. Look for similarities rather than collecting differences.

Level 3: Global Perspective Integration: At the advanced level, you develop what the Dalai Lama calls “universal responsibility”—a genuine sense of connection to all human beings regardless of geography or culture. This means making choices in your daily life based on their impact on the global human community, not just your immediate tribe.

Daily Micro-Practices for Expanding Circles

• Morning connection intention: Each morning, commit to having one meaningful interaction with someone outside your usual circle
• Cultural curiosity practice: When you encounter something unfamiliar, ask “What human need or value might this represent?” instead of judging it as strange
• Media diversity: Weekly, consume news or entertainment from a different cultural perspective than your default sources
• Shared humanity reflection: Monthly, reflect on how people you’ve met from different backgrounds have similar core concerns to your own

When Your Tribal Instincts Kick In

Your brain is wired to be suspicious of “outsiders” as a survival mechanism from our ancestral past.

When you feel defensive or judgmental about people who seem different, pause and ask:

• What human needs might be driving their behavior?
• How might their background have shaped their perspective in ways that make sense from their point of view?
• What do we share in common beneath the surface differences?
• How can I approach this with curiosity rather than judgment?

The Lifetime Circle Expansion Challenge

Here’s your practice for creating a life of expanding connection:

1. Month 1: Complete your radius audit and begin local exploration
2. Months 2-3: Plan and take one trip (even if local) where the primary goal is cultural understanding rather than sightseeing
3. Months 4-6: Develop regular practices that expose you to different perspectives and ways of life
4. Ongoing: Make expanding your circle of compassion a lifelong practice, whether through travel, reading, relationships, or cultural engagement

Remember: The goal isn’t to erase differences or pretend they don’t matter. It’s to recognize that beneath all our beautiful diversity lies a shared human heart that beats with the same fundamental rhythms of love, hope, struggle, and aspiration.

As I sail back into Amsterdam after my 23-day journey, I carry with me something more valuable than souvenirs or photos: the deep knowledge that wherever we come from, wherever we’re going, we’re all part of the same human family.

The world isn’t as big as we think it is. The differences aren’t as vast as they appear. The things that unite us are stronger than the things that divide us.

Travel if you can. Explore if you’re able. But most importantly, approach every person you meet with the understanding that beneath whatever surface differences exist, you’re encountering another member of your extended global family.

The warrior’s greatest victory is recognizing that there are no real enemies—only fellow travelers on the same human journey.

Welcome home to your world.

And welcome home to the beautiful truth that we’re all going there together.