The Art of Not Painting Yourself into a Corner

The Dance of Masters

The other day, I was on a recovery day—watching class instead of participating.

Sitting on one of the benches, I was observing a masterclass being put on by Professors Jason Hunt and Rodrigo Caporal.

Jason was teaching us that in any position, your partner is giving you signals on how to beat him by the very nature of how he is “protecting” himself.

You see, when you present force in any direction, you immediately give openings in all of the other directions.

It’s just a matter of feeling where the resistance is and flowing around it, redirecting it, or nullifying it (going with it so that it ends of its own accord).

As I was watching them “dance” and “flow” around one another—a testament to their decades of training together, knowing each other—I was amazed at how effortlessly they made it all look.

Letting go to feel and flow with their partner, not their opponent, was something I had first heard about in the 80s, training in Aikido under Naluai Sensei.

And here I was, hearing and seeing it again decades later.

The guiding principle of “the gentle way” of jiu-jitsu.​

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all live and practice this in our lives every day?

How We Paint Ourselves into a Corner

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Most of us do the opposite.

Instead of feeling and flowing, we dig in.

We resist.

We double down on bad positions and force things to go our way, even when it’s clear that resistance is making things worse.

Think about how this applies beyond the mat.

• In relationships: We get so fixated on being “right” that we refuse to hear what the other person is saying. We defend our ego rather than seeking to understand.
• In careers: We stay in jobs that don’t serve us because we fear uncertainty, even when every fiber of our being is telling us to move on.
• In personal growth: We cling to old identities that no longer fit because we’re afraid of the discomfort that comes with change.

Each time we stubbornly push against resistance, we paint ourselves into a corner.

We box ourselves in until we have no options left—just like a white belt who keeps driving forward without realizing he’s setting himself up to be swept.

But there’s a way out.

The Power of Flowing Around Resistance

If you’ve ever watched high-level grapplers, you’ll notice something interesting: they don’t fight force with force.

They absorb it.

Redirect it.

Flow around it.

This is a principle that extends far beyond jiu-jitsu.

It’s a principle that can change your entire life.

1. Recognizing the Signals

The first step is awareness.

In jiu-jitsu, every grip, every frame, every shift in weight tells a story.

The same is true in life.

The world is constantly giving you signals—feedback from people, obstacles that appear, gut instincts that tell you when something isn’t right.

The problem is, most people ignore them.

If you want to stop painting yourself into a corner, you need to start listening.

• If a job makes you miserable every day, that’s a signal.
• If your relationship feels like a constant battle, that’s a signal.
• If you feel like you’re forcing yourself to be someone you’re not, that’s a signal.

The question is: will you acknowledge it, or will you keep fighting against the current?

2. Redirecting Instead of Resisting

Once you recognize resistance, you have two choices: fight it or flow around it.

Most people fight.

They argue when they should listen.

They stubbornly hold onto bad decisions.

They keep trying to force square pegs into round holes.

But the best move isn’t always to push harder—it’s to change direction.

• Instead of clinging to a job that makes you miserable, start developing new skills and networking.
• Instead of arguing endlessly in a relationship, take a step back and ask: “What if I’m wrong?”
• Instead of forcing yourself into a mold that doesn’t fit, embrace your strengths and carve your own path.

Redirection is about seeing the opportunities that open up when you stop trying to bulldoze your way forward.

It’s about knowing when to pivot.

3. Expanding Your Options

Jiu-jitsu is a game of options.

If you only know one way out of a bad position, you’re stuck when that doesn’t work.

But if you have multiple escapes, sweeps, and transitions, you can flow into something else.

Life works the same way.

The more options you have, the less likely you are to feel trapped.

• If you develop multiple skills, you’re not dependent on a single career path.
• If you cultivate diverse friendships, you’re not reliant on one person for all your emotional support.
• If you build financial independence, you’re not enslaved to a job you hate.

You don’t get trapped when you have options.

The key is to build them before you need them.

The Jiu-Jitsu of Life

In jiu-jitsu, the best practitioners don’t fight reality—they work with it.

They don’t brute-force their way through every situation.

They adapt.

They adjust.

They make their movements effortless by aligning with what’s already happening rather than resisting it.

Life is no different.

If you keep resisting reality, you’ll always feel stuck.

But if you start working with the flow—seeing the signals, redirecting when needed, and building your options—you’ll never be trapped again.

Putting It On the Mat

A few days after that class, I was rolling with a younger blue belt, a guy who had that fire in his eyes.

He was fast, aggressive, and strong.

The kind of guy who relied on athleticism and sheer willpower to win.

I knew as a smaller, weaker, older training partner that there was no way I could outpower or be more athletic than him.

So I let him dictate the pace.

I gave him just enough resistance to see where he wanted to go.

And sure enough, in his eagerness to pass, he put himself into a trap.

All I had to do was flow with his movement, giving it just a little bit more energy and he collapsed into a sweep.

I mounted him effortlessly, and the look in his eyes said it all.

“How the hell did that happen?”

“You beat yourself,” I said. “You were so determined to force your way through that you didn’t realize you were giving me everything I needed.”

He nodded.

The lesson was sinking in for me.

It’s the same off the mat.

• Are you forcing something that’s not working?
• Are you ignoring the signals that life is giving you?
• Are you fighting so hard to control your life that you don’t realize you’re boxing yourself in?

What would happen if, just for a moment, you stopped fighting?

If you let go of resistance and flowed with what’s in front of you?

Here’s your challenge for the week:

• Identify one area where you feel stuck.
• Ask yourself: Am I resisting something that I should be flowing around?
• Take one action to change direction instead of fighting harder.

You don’t have to be trapped.

You don’t have to be stuck.

The way out is right in front of you—if you’re willing to stop fighting and start flowing.

That’s what jiu-jitsu teaches us.

That’s what life teaches us.

Now put it on the mat.