You Get What You Focus On: Lessons from 26 Days Across 9 Countries

A journey through the Baltics taught me that paradise is a state of mind, not a destination

The Dream Trip That Revealed an Uncomfortable Truth

Twenty-six days. Nine countries. Countless breathtaking moments across the Baltic and British Isles, exploring Stockholm’s cobblestone streets, savoring Copenhagen’s hygge culture, and witnessing Helsinki’s Nordic elegance. This was the trip I’d dreamed about for over 25 years, ever since a teacher of mine first painted vivid pictures of these magical places with her stories.

And it was everything I’d hoped for and more.

But here’s what struck me most profoundly: while I was living my absolute dream, surrounded by incredible sights, foods, and people, some fellow travelers seemed determined to find fault with everything.

They had the same stunning sunsets, the same delicious local cuisine, the same warm hospitality from locals—yet their experience was entirely different from mine.

That’s when it hit me like a lightning bolt: You really do get what you focus on.

The Complainers in Paradise

Picture this: You’re standing on a medieval bridge in Tallinn’s Old Town, watching the sun paint the Baltic Sea in shades of gold and amber. The air is crisp, filled with the aroma of fresh pastries from nearby bakeries. Local musicians are playing folk melodies that seem to dance with the evening breeze.

Paradise, right?

Not for everyone I encountered.

Some people found reasons to complain about everything:

• The weather was “too cold” (in countries famous for their climate)
• The food was “too expensive” (while experiencing world-class cuisine)
• The locals “weren’t friendly enough” (despite countless warm interactions)
• The accommodations were “not quite right” (in charming, historic buildings)
• The transportation was “confusing” (in some of the world’s most efficient systems)

I watched in fascination as these individuals seemed to carry an invisible cloud of dissatisfaction with them. They weren’t just having a bad day—they were actively seeking things to be unhappy about. It was as if they’d packed misery in their suitcase and unpacked it at every destination.

The Perpetually Joyful

On the flip side, I met locals and fellow travelers who radiated contentment and joy, regardless of circumstances.

These weren’t people on exotic vacations or living extraordinary lives.

Many were simply going about their daily routines—working, commuting, managing ordinary responsibilities—yet they possessed something magical: an innate appreciation for life itself.

I observed people who found delight in:

• A perfectly brewed morning coffee
• A friendly exchange with a shopkeeper
• The simple pleasure of walking through their neighborhood
• Unexpected moments of connection with strangers
• The satisfaction of completing everyday tasks

These individuals didn’t need a dream vacation to feel fulfilled. They’d discovered the secret of finding richness in the ordinary, beauty in the mundane, and joy in the present moment.

They proved that happiness isn’t a destination—it’s a way of traveling through life.

Finding Myself in the Middle

As I reflected on these observations, I realized I fall somewhere between these two extremes. I genuinely love my life at home—my work, my relationships, my daily routines. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get an extra spark of joy from experiences like this Baltic adventure.

I’m the person who:

• Appreciates the ordinary but craves the extraordinary
• Finds contentment in routine but comes alive during new experiences
• Enjoys home comforts but feels most vibrant when exploring unfamiliar places
• Values stability but needs periodic adventures to feel fully alive

And you know what? That’s perfectly okay. Not everyone needs to be satisfied with the ordinary, and not everyone needs extraordinary experiences to feel fulfilled. The key is understanding where you fall on this spectrum and designing your life accordingly.

The Focus Effect: A Universal Principle

During those 26 days, I witnessed a fundamental truth about human psychology: our focus determines our reality. This isn’t wishful thinking or positive psychology fluff—it’s a practical principle with real-world consequences.

How Focus Shapes Experience

The complainers demonstrated selective attention toward negativity:

• They noticed every minor inconvenience while overlooking major delights
• They remembered disappointing moments while forgetting magical ones
• They amplified problems while minimizing solutions
• They focused on what was missing rather than what was abundant

The joyful people exhibited selective attention toward positivity:

• They noticed small pleasures while de-emphasizing minor annoyances
• They remembered meaningful connections while forgetting trivial frustrations
• They amplified what worked while quickly solving what didn’t
• They focused on abundance rather than scarcity

The result?

Two entirely different realities experienced in the exact same places, at the exact same time, under the exact same circumstances.

The Neuroscience Behind Focus

This isn’t just philosophical observation—it’s backed by neuroscience.

Our brains are constantly bombarded with millions of pieces of information, but we can only consciously process a tiny fraction. The information we choose to focus on literally shapes our neural pathways and, over time, our default patterns of thought.

When we consistently focus on:

• Problems → Our brains become skilled at finding more problems
• Solutions → Our brains become skilled at finding more solutions
• Gratitude → Our brains become skilled at recognizing abundance
• Complaints → Our brains become skilled at identifying deficiencies

This explains why some people seem naturally optimistic while others appear chronically dissatisfied. It’s often not their circumstances—it’s their practiced patterns of attention.

The Misery Travelers

The most sobering realization from my trip was encountering people who seemed incapable of enjoying even objectively wonderful experiences.

These weren’t people facing genuine hardships or dealing with serious problems.

They were privileged enough to travel internationally, staying in comfortable accommodations, with the freedom to explore some of the world’s most beautiful places.

Yet they somehow managed to be miserable.

They taught me that misery is portable.

You can take it anywhere:

• To the most beautiful destinations
• Into the most comfortable circumstances
• Through the most wonderful experiences
• Among the most interesting people

If you’re committed to being unhappy, you’ll find a way, regardless of external conditions.

This was both heartbreaking and liberating to witness. Heartbreaking because these people were missing out on genuine joy that was right in front of them. Liberating because it proved that if misery is a choice, then joy must be a choice too.

The Natural Joy-Finders

Equally eye-opening were the people I met who seemed to have cracked the code of contentment. These weren’t necessarily world travelers or people with exciting lives. Many were locals going about ordinary days—working in cafes, riding public transportation, walking their dogs in neighborhood parks.

What set them apart was their ability to find richness in simplicity:

• A barista in Stockholm who genuinely lit up when describing different coffee beans
• An elderly man in Copenhagen who spent twenty minutes enthusiastically giving directions, clearly delighted to help
• A Helsinki shop owner who proudly explained local customs as if sharing treasured family secrets
• Fellow travelers who found wonder in small details others overlooked

These people had developed the skill of appreciation.

They didn’t need extraordinary circumstances to feel good about life—they’d learned to extract joy from ordinary moments.

Money as a Tool for Experience

This journey reinforced my belief that money is best spent on experiences rather than stuff.

Not because material possessions are inherently bad, but because experiences offer something unique: they can’t be taken away, they appreciate over time through memory, and they often transform us in ways that objects cannot.

Why Experiences Trump Possessions

Experiences offer lasting value because they:

• Create memories that improve with age
• Build connections with people and places
• Develop our capacity for appreciation
• Expand our perspective on what’s possible
• Generate stories that enrich our lives for years
• Often cost less than equivalent material purchases
• Take up no physical space in our homes
• Can’t be lost, stolen, or broken

Material possessions, while sometimes necessary and enjoyable:

• Often provide temporary satisfaction that fades quickly
• Create storage and maintenance obligations
• Can become sources of stress rather than joy
• May foster comparison with others’ possessions
• Often depreciate in value and significance over time

The Experience Investment Strategy

If you’re like me—someone who loves life but loves it even more with periodic adventures—consider making experiences a priority in your budget. This doesn’t necessarily mean expensive international travel. Meaningful experiences can be:

Local adventures:

• Exploring neighborhoods you’ve never visited
• Trying restaurants featuring cuisines you’ve never experienced
• Attending local cultural events, festivals, or performances
• Taking classes to learn new skills or hobbies

Connection-focused experiences:

• Planning meaningful time with friends and family
• Joining clubs or groups aligned with your interests
• Volunteering for causes you care about
• Attending workshops or conferences in your field

Growth-oriented experiences:

• Taking weekend trips to nearby cities or natural areas
• Booking stays at unique accommodations (bed & breakfasts, cabins, etc.)
• Participating in workshops, retreats, or intensive learning experiences
• Challenging yourself with new physical activities or adventures

Practical Strategies for Focusing on the Right Things

Based on what I observed during my Baltic adventure, here are practical ways to cultivate a focus that enhances rather than diminishes your life experience:

Daily Focus Practices

Morning intention setting:

• Begin each day by identifying three things you’re looking forward to
• Set an intention to notice something beautiful, interesting, or meaningful
• Choose to approach challenges as problems to solve rather than reasons to complain

Evening reflection:

• Before bed, identify the best moment of your day
• Acknowledge one thing that went better than expected
• Express gratitude for one person who made your day better

Travel and Experience Practices

Pre-experience preparation:

• Research aspects you’re most excited about
• Set realistic expectations while remaining open to surprises
• Make a list of experiences you want to prioritize
• Decide to approach challenges as part of the adventure

During experiences:

• Practice the “good finder” game—actively look for things to appreciate
• When something goes wrong, ask “How can we make this work?” instead of “Why is this happening?”
• Engage with locals and fellow travelers with genuine curiosity
• Take time to be present rather than constantly documenting

Relationship Practices

With complainers:

• Avoid getting pulled into complaint spirals
• Gently redirect conversations toward solutions or positives
• Limit exposure when possible without being unkind
• Remember that their misery is about them, not about circumstances

With joy-finders:

• Spend more time with people who elevate your perspective
• Ask them about what they’re excited about or grateful for
• Learn from their techniques for finding satisfaction
• Share meaningful experiences with people who can appreciate them

The Choice That Changes Everything

Here’s the most important lesson from my 26-day journey: focus is a choice, and that choice determines the quality of your life more than almost any external factor.

You can choose to be someone who:

• Finds fault even in paradise
• Carries dissatisfaction wherever you go
• Focuses on what’s missing rather than what’s abundant
• Spreads negativity to others around you

Or you can choose to be someone who:

• Finds joy in ordinary moments
• Cultivates appreciation for what you have
• Focuses on solutions rather than problems
• Elevates the experiences of people around you

The circumstances of your life matter far less than the lens through which you view them.

Your Next Adventure Starts Now

You don’t need to visit nine countries in 26 days to transform your perspective. You don’t need any external change to start experiencing life differently. You simply need to make a conscious choice about where you direct your attention.

Starting today, you can:

• Notice three things you appreciate about your current circumstances
• Approach one small problem as an interesting challenge to solve
• Spend time with someone who brings out your best perspective
• Invest in one experience rather than one material purchase
• Practice gratitude for something you usually take for granted

Remember: The complainers I met in the Baltics had access to the same stunning architecture, the same delicious food, the same warm hospitality, and the same magical moments I experienced. The only difference was where they chose to focus their attention.

Your life right now contains more beauty, possibility, and reason for gratitude than you’re probably noticing. The question isn’t whether you can find reasons to be dissatisfied—you absolutely can, if that’s what you’re looking for.

The question is: what do you choose to focus on?

Your answer to that question will determine whether you’re living in paradise or carrying misery with you wherever you go. Choose wisely—your happiness depends on it.