How Not to Freeze
The Day the Kick Came Without Warning
There wasn’t time to think. No time to process. No time to ask, “Why is this happening?”
The kick was already coming.
I was a brown belt in Hapkido, standing across from a visiting black belt from another school during a sparring session. I’d seen him warming up—fast, explosive, unpredictable—but when we bowed in, I was still stuck in my head, trying to predict what he might do.
Big mistake.
He launched a spinning hook kick that caught my ribs and knocked the wind out of me. It wasn’t malicious. It was a lesson.
Don’t wait to figure things out. Deal with what’s happening now.
I could’ve stood there, frozen, asking “Why?”—but martial arts don’t work that way. You learn to move, respond, redirect, adapt. Philosophy comes later. Survival comes first.
That moment shaped the way I approach life—and what I teach younger men today.
Too many freeze in the face of adversity. You think there will always be time. You overanalyze, second-guess, and hesitate—while life is throwing a kick to your ribs.
You don’t rise to the level of your ambitions.
You fall to the level of your training.
– paraphrasing James Clear
And most of you haven’t trained for adversity—because you don’t even know what you want badly enough to train for.
That’s what we’re here to fix.
You Can’t Win If You Don’t Know What Game You’re Playing
Most young men don’t actually know what they want.
Not deep down. Not clearly. Not with enough conviction to withstand pain and pressure.
They have vague desires:
- “I want to be successful.”
- “I want a relationship.”
- “I want freedom.”
But ask for specifics? Ask what they’re willing to sacrifice to get it? Ask what they’re training for? Crickets.
In martial arts, your opponent is clear.
In life, your opponent is often your own vagueness.
Principle #1: Vagueness breeds hesitation. Clarity creates movement.
You must define:
- What exactly you want
- Why it matters to you
- What you’re willing to suffer for
Clarity turns adversity into a training session.
Without clarity, adversity just feels like suffering.
Life Doesn’t Wait for Your Readiness
We live in a world where “someday” is the most dangerous word in the dictionary.
- “Someday I’ll get in shape.”
- “Someday I’ll start my business.”
- “Someday I’ll tell her how I feel.”
Life is not a dojo with a bell to start the match.
Life attacks unannounced.
Car accidents. Breakups. Job losses. Medical diagnoses. Family emergencies.
There’s no “ready stance” for these things. They just happen.
If you wait for the moment to be perfect before you act, you’ll lose.
If you’ve trained for adversity—even just mentally—you’ll respond, not react.
Principle #2: Don’t train for calm conditions. Train for chaos.
Martial artists shadowbox. Drill. Spar. Get bruised.
So when the real fight comes, they move.
You must do the same:
- Have hard conversations in safe environments
- Push your limits in training, not in emergencies
- Make decisions under pressure (on purpose) to develop the muscle
Because the world doesn’t care how you feel.
It only reacts to what you do.
Pay the Price or Stay Stuck Forever
Everything worth having has a cost.
Confidence, clarity, strength, success—none of it is free.
You can’t have:
- A strong body without sweat
- A stable mind without chaos
- A successful business without sacrifice
Yet too many young men want the prize without the price.
They want the black belt… but skip training.
They want a queen… but act like boys.
They want wealth… but scroll like peasants.
Principle #3: You will either pay the price of discipline or the price of regret.
Discipline is hard—but it compounds.
Regret is easy—but it rots.
Here’s the paradox:
- Pain now builds strength.
- Comfort now builds weakness.
Every decision you make is a vote:
- Toward your ideal self or away from him
- Toward becoming a man or remaining a boy
- Toward purpose or toward distraction
There is no neutral.
Practice Is Power—Even in the Mundane
Martial artists train the same technique thousands of times. Why?
Because under pressure, you don’t rise to inspiration.
You fall to repetition.
Most young men don’t practice anything deliberately.
They wing it. Wing it in conversations. Wing it in jobs. Wing it in relationships.
Principle #4: Practice under low stakes to perform under high stakes.
This means:
- Practice speaking clearly when you’re not nervous
- Practice focus when there’s no deadline
- Practice boundaries before you need them
Your life becomes the result of your habits—good or bad.
If your default is scrolling, avoiding, numbing, or deflecting… then you’re training that.
You’re always training something.
Reflect Later, Move Now
Yes, philosophy has its place.
There’s value in journaling, meditation, and deep questions.
But not when the metaphorical punch is coming.
In those moments, you need:
- Action, not analysis
- Breathing, not bargaining
- Decision, not doubt
Principle #5: When life hits, don’t ask “why?”—ask “what now?”
After the storm passes, then you can reflect:
- What did I learn?
- What patterns keep showing up?
- What am I still not prepared for?
But when life is demanding a response—give it.
Philosophize later.
Putting It On the Mat
The Deer in the Headlights That Almost Didn’t Make It
Years ago, I was working a jobsite downtown. A big commercial build-out. Midday traffic. Horns. Dust. Movement everywhere.
I was on a lift, working on conduit runs, when I heard the screech of brakes.
I looked around. A young guy—maybe mid-20s—was standing in the middle of the street, frozen. Eyes wide. Paralyzed. A car had locked up trying not to hit him.
He just stood there.
Luckily, the driver swerved, clipped the curb, and nobody got hurt.
But I never forgot that moment. That look.
He wasn’t stupid. He just wasn’t trained.
He probably wasn’t taught how to handle high-stakes moments.
He probably never practiced being under pressure.
He probably didn’t know what he wanted—or how quickly it could be taken away.
And the truth is, most young men are like that.
You haven’t been trained to handle adversity.
You haven’t practiced choosing clarity over chaos.
You haven’t paid the price to earn what you want.
But you can start.
Here’s what I recommend:
- Write down exactly what you want—and be specific.
- Identify what you’re willing to give up to earn it.
- Start training daily for pressure—physically, mentally, emotionally.
- Practice making decisions faster—small ones, regularly.
- Expose yourself to discomfort—cold showers, hard conversations, public speaking, sparring.
Because when the metaphorical kick comes—
When life hits fast—
When there’s no time to think—
You’ll either freeze… or flow.
You don’t get to choose when adversity shows up.
But you can choose to be ready for it.
Don’t wait.
Start now.
Put it on the mat.
Train like your future depends on it—
Because it does.
Leave a Reply