While working with my coach recently, an interesting epiphany occurred to me.
Many of my clients were stuck in their lives because they spent most of their time looking into their past.
Most of them working with me were also in therapy. Diving into their past, exploring and addressing their wounds and trauma. Trying to rebuild from the damage that they went through.
While other clients that I worked with, were too busy moving forward to have time exploring whatever less-than-perfect upbringing they had.
It dawned on me that for success to happen, you need to shift your attention. From where you’ve been to where you’re going. A 180° shift of attention.
I found it amusing that in the US we still use the Fahrenheit degrees, and so that’s the difference between water freezing (32°) and water boiling (212°).
(Maybe, once the US joins the rest of the world and the metric system, I’ll need to find a new analogy, but until then… lol)
I am not saying that diving into your history and healing past trauma and emotional damage is not valuable.
I know from personal experience, it is very helpful.
What I am questioning is how much time and energy do we spend focused on the past as compared to moving toward our future?
Are You Focused on Where You’ve Been or Where You’re Going?
People as a whole are uncomfortable with the unknown. That’s why there are so many articles and workshops about getting out of your comfort zone.
It is also why so many people focus on their past instead of their future. It’s easier to look at what you can see than on what you can’t.
They can tell themselves that they are improving themselves by addressing issues in the past but the bottom line is the past is past.
You’re here now, that meant you survived it.
It’s gone, you’ve moved on.
Digging into the past to build your future is like digging deeper into a hole to get out of the hole.
What you need is a ladder and get out of the hole.
So where do you want to go?
What do you want to do with your life?
That’s the question.
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain
Be Unreasonable
I had one specific reason why I hired my coach. In the interview process, he said one thing, “Be unreasonable.”
You see, we all have reasons.
I dealt with it every day working construction, my crew had reasons why they couldn’t get something done.
I had reasons why I was moving forward in my life.
We all have reasons.
It wasn’t until I wondered what would it feel like to be unreasonable. To stop coming with reasons why something might not work out.
It reminded me of an old image that I first saw from Stephen Covey over 20 years ago.
We each have 3 circles we operate, each day. The circles of control, influence, and concern.
Unfortunately, for many of us, we focus on the circle of concern the most.
- Those are the moments when we wake up at 2 am worried and anxious.
- Those are the moments when we weigh the options and feel disheartened and fail to take action.
- Those are the moments when we lament and fume over the past and fail to take advantage of the opportunities that are right in front of us.
The circle of concern is all the reasons why not to do something.
Here is a short 3-minute video explaining Circle of Concern and Influence.
For years, I’ve read about Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and all the amazing people who have made a huge impact on our society.
When you go back to their beginnings, when they were first getting started; they each had dozens, if not hundreds of reasons why not to attempt their dreams.
Jeff Bezos had a high-paying job where he was respected and appreciated.
Elon Musk, when starting SpaceX, wouldn’t let his friends invest in the company because he was sure it was going to fail.
Steve Jobs after getting fired from the company he started, found himself back in the company after 12 years of being out.
Would you have come back? I’m not sure I would. But look what he did with Apple after his return.
All of them focused on their circle of control and each day they took steps to move forward.
And You Can Also…
Where do you want to go?
Write that down.
Now, what does half of that goal look like?
Write that down.
Do it again, what it half of that half and write it down.
Keep doing that until you get to the point of knowing of the step that you can take right now.
That was how I was able to focus on building a $1.6B building. Each day I broke down what was in front of me into manageable steps that my crew and I could make progress on.
I found reason of why we could do it and did my best to ignore all the reasons we might not.
What about you? Are you willing to be unreasonable?
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